The World as its Randomnest!
by Asura Mori
Summary: Basically, me and a bunch of friends decided to do a parody of dot hack g.u. Haseo and the others will make appearances, but we're just basically making fun of everything in the game, including logging in, kicking chim chims, etc. By A.M., Glitch, and R.R
1. Logging in for the First Time

So, yeah… me and my friends got bored and decided to make a random Dot Hack story, with our own characters and some of the originals. Haseo will be making an appearance, as well as Bordeaux and others, but this is mostly just the random turnings of teenage minds. So, enjoy, read, and review. I promise that it's funny…. Kinda. (sweat drop) Anyway, here's THE WORLD… AT ITS RANDOMNEST!! Enjoy.

Warning: Strong language use, repetitive phrases, and random moments of insaneness.

Part One: Logging In for the First Time

By: Asura Mori, Glitch, and RaithRune

_Kyrie walks into his room, throws down his backpack, and goes over to his computer. He's just heard about a new game that everybody's been raving about… THE WORLD._

Kyrie: All right… so I just hook up this to that thing, connect that cord to that thingy over there… and… VOILA! Instant connection! _smiles and sits down in front of his computer screen _……………………… Now what? Nobody at school explained this part……………………..

_30 minutes later…_

Kyrie: _pouring over an instruction manual_ … … _tremble, tremble_ I DON'T GET IT!! _sobs and throws book down _WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?! _hits keyboard in frustration_

_Computer turns on with a low beep and displays the logo for "The World"…_

Kyrie: ………………………………………… Are you freakin' serious?! _grumbles and clicks his mouse on the new player option_

_Myick barges into the room and tackles Kyrie_

Kyrie: WHAT THE FUCK?! FUCKING PUMPKIN SPICE!!

Myick: Wait…. You haven't met me yet, have you?? _slowly backs out of the room_ Pretend this never happened…. _closes the door behind him_

_Five seconds later…_

Myick: OMG!! _falls down the stairs_ MY LEG!!

Kyrie: _sweat drop_ Ooooooookay…. Time to log in!

_1 hour later…_

Kyrie: _clenches his fist in victory, a smile on his face_ At long last…. I can finally say… I DID IT!! _breaks out into Dora the Explorer's "We Did It!"_

_After a few seconds of gloating, Kyrie finally decides to log in and try out his new character. Just as he goes to log in, though…… the power goes out._

Kyrie: ……………………………………………………….. FUCKING PUMPKIN SPICE!!

To be continued…

A.M.: So, what do you think? We've written more, but it's divided into sections, so I'll be presenting them in chapters. This story only gets funnier as it progresses, so please don't judge it by the first chapter. (smile)

Glitch: Yeah, seriously…….. OMG!! MY OTHER LEG!!

R.R.: So idiotic….. (starts crying) My character hasn't shown up yet!! (sobs)

A.M.: (sweat drop) Um… yeah…. Anyway, read and review please!!


	2. Enter the Matrix?

Yeah, we're back again, with another chapter. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! … All right, I'm not doing another big intro, so here's the second chapter (part?) of THE WORLD AT ITS RANDOMNEST!! Enjoy, or else (jk).

Warning: Same as the first chapter.

Part Two: Enter… the Matrix?

By: Asura Mori, Glitch, and RaithRune

_Kyrie logs into the game for the first time as an Adept Rogue. His clothes are mostly black and his symbols are a silvery purple. His eyes are the same shade of lilac as his symbols and his hair is raven-colored and long._

Kyrie: _looks around and sees one of the many players hopping around on one leg _That seems….familiar…..

Myick: OMG!! MY LEG!!

Kyrie: Yep…definitely familiar… _sweat drop_ Yeah… I'm just gonna walk away now and--

Myick: OMG!! _hops over and tackles Kyrie_ It's you!!

Kyrie: FUCKING PUMPKIN SPICE!! GET OFF ME!! _shoves Myick away_

Myick: YAY!! Adept Rogue. And a low level one at that. _to himself_ Prime PK target. _back to Kyrie_ I shall protect you. _whispers to self_ And then kill you.

Kyrie: (Does this guy have split personalities?) _blinks and backs away from Myick_ Uh, that's okay. I can take care of myself…

Myick: _attaches himself to Kyrie's hip_ No you can't. The PK's. They're everywhere!!

Kyrie: Um, yeah…. I'll just go party up with a bunch of low level characters and go to a low level place… (Besides, you scare me more than any PK…)

Myick: Honoes!! It's Bordeaux…. RUN!! She hates me! To an area! _starts to drag Kyrie over to the Chaos Gate_

Kyrie: _stops _Who? (There is no way in hell I'm going to an area with this freak… well, not until I can at least defend myself against him…)

Myick: She's like lvl 60. Do you wanna deal with her or me?

Kyrie: Neither of you. Oh, and she's actually in the 90s.

Myick: Holy crap!! Run faster now!! _picks Kyrie up and runs faster_

Kyrie: PUT ME DOWN!! RAPE!! RAPE!! _nobody looks and he sighs _Fine… FIRE!! FIRE!! _everybody looks_

Random Character 1 (further known as R.C.): Stupid… you can't have fire in a computer game.

R.C. 2: Besides, you can't cast spells in towns. Pfft!!

Kyrie: GAWD DAMMIT!! DOES NOBODY CARE THAT I'M GETTING KIDNAPPED HERE?! WHAT KIND OF GAME IS THIS?!

R.C. 1: An RPG.

Kyrie: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!! _tears in his eyes_ WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO SAVE ME BEFORE I GET VIRTUALLY RAPED?!

R.C. 2: _blinks and looks at R.C. 1_ Is that even POSSBILE?

R.C. 1: What, him getting raped or us saving him?

Kyrie: THAT'S NOT FUNNY!! _starts hitting Myick_ Let me go, pervert!! LET ME GO!! _sobs_

Myick: _drops him_ Ok then. Have fun dying. _runs off_

Kyrie: _blinks and watches Myick's retreating figure_ Well, THAT was random. _gets up, dusting off his pants _Time to go and level up!

Negimaru: Look boss! A noob! Let's get 'im.

Grein: …

Bordeaux: Yes, let's.

Kyrie: 0o Oh…. Damn… _runs for his very short life to an area_ Delta: Burning Defiled Embrace's.

Bordeaux: Give chase!!

Grein: …

Kyrie: WHY ME?! _runs until he has nowhere else to run_ Oh, goodbye cruel world. Sister, tell mother I love her… _closes eyes as he waits to be PKed_

Mysterious Voice: OrAni Zot… _a pit of darkness opens up and spider legs emerge, grabbing for anything that they can find _C'mon! We gotta get outta here!

_A boy in black robes and a dark red silk hat drops from the tree tops holding a long golden staff with black markings and a large opal stone in the center. Bright white feathers protrude from the back of it._

Mysterious Boy: _lands on the ground and grabs Kyrie's arm_ Let's go! If you don't wanna die, come with me!

_FREEZE_

Myick: What the… Didn't I just offer this like 5 minutes ago? This is some bull…

_UNFREEZE_

Kyrie: _without hesitation_ Okay! (This guy doesn't seem like he'll kill me… unlike a certain Flick Reaper earlier…)

_FREEZES AGAIN_

Kyrie: Yeah, Myick KINDA offered me this same thing earlier, but seriously… would YOU go with a guy who talked to himself and tried to get you to go into an area ALONE with him, possibly to rape and/or kill you? _waits for a few seconds_ Yeah, that's what I though. (And to those of you who said yes… what the hell is wrong with you?

_UNFREEZES YET AGAIN_

Myick: I'm coming to save you!! … … … _slow realization_ Dang… fight's over.

Kyrie: Yeah… you're a little late… Wait… OMG!! YOU?!

Mysterious Boy: _stands in between Myick and Kyrie and holds his pointy end of his staff against Myick's neck _Oh no… not you again… get outta here before I PKK you…

Myick: _pulls out scythe and wraps it around M.B.'s neck_ You put your staff away before I chop off your head.

Kyrie: I feel like I'm stuck in some kind of love triangle… OKAY!! _pulls out his twin blades and puts them to his own throat _Both of you put your weapons down or I'll PK myself!!

Mysterious Boy: _his gaze shifts from Kyrie to and Myick, then he sighs and lowers his staff from Myick's neck _Fine… _looks at Myick _Truce? _holds his hand out_

Myick: _turns away from him and starts muttering to himself _PK or not to PK, that is the question.

Kyrie: (He's… talking to himself… AGAIN…)

Mysterious Boy: My name's Rayne btw… _looks over at Myick _We've already been acquainted… ugh… I'll NEVER look at coconuts, pinecones, and Hamtaro the same way EVER again… _looks at Kyrie _I don't think we've met before however… what's your name?

Kyrie: _pondering on whether or not to take off _Eh? Oh, I'm Kyrie. Btw… how do you know THAT THING over there? _points at Myick_

Rayne: I plvl'd him when he first started out… and then he stalked me… till I ditched 'im in a random area.

Kryie: _just a little concerned about Myick, who is muttering to himself _I really don't blame you, for ditching him I mean. He's creepy.

Rayne: Yea, I know right? XD

Myick: _turns around _Ok, I've decided that I will travel with you guys.

Kyrie: …… Nani? _pales considerably_

Rayne: … meh…

Myick: ……… What?

Kyrie: ……… _runs_

Rayne: … poof. _throws down a smoke bomb and disappears_

Myick: YOU BIG MEANIES!! _pouts and logs out_

To be continued…

Asura (Kyrie): Yeah…. We have no life… we realize this… But read and review anyway? Please?

Glitch (Myick): I'm still ticked about the whole smoke bomb thing… I still can't see… But I like feeling my way around…. (chuckle) RaithRune.

RaithRune (Rayne): …. oO…. someone… please… save me…. _looks at Glitch_… its scawwy here…… SAVE ME!! D:

Asura: Oh… it's a little late for that.


	3. Kicking Chim Chims

Lol, Asura Mori, Glitch, and RaithRune are back. I'd like to thank our ONLY reviewer, MasterofGrey, for sticking with us for two chapters. Thx for being a pal. And the rest of you…. YOU BIG MEANIES!! Anyway, here's the third chapter of THE WORLD… AT ITS RANDOMNEST!! Enjoy. Lol.

Warning: Again, same as the first chapter… oh, and abuse of Chim Chims. (smile)

Disclaimer: We no own, you no sue. Deal?

Part Three: Kicking Chim-Chims

By: Asura Mori, Glitch, and RaithRune

_A few days have passed since Kyrie's near brush with "death" and the meeting of Rayne. Kyrie, Rayne, and Myick have slowly become friends, although both Rayne and Kyrie are still unsure about Myick's "intentions"…_

Delta: Flaming Tomatoes of Death (lol, don't ask)

Kyrie: Yay! I finally reached lvl 40!! _starts dancing, trips, and triggers a random battle _NUUUU!! I HAVEN'T HAD THE CHANCE TO HEAL YET!! WHY?! IF I DIE HERE THEN I'LL HAVE TO RESTART MY GAME AND -- NUUUUUUUUUUUUU!! I'LL BE LVL 21 AGAIN!! _curls into a little ball and starts crying_

Random Character 1: _looks at his friend _Dude, why doesn't he just use a HEALING item?

R.C. 2: _shrugs _I dunno. Let spazzes be spazzes. Hey! Let's log out and go do it on a pool table!! (Note: They're both guys. Lol.)

R.C. 1: Awesome! _both log out, leaving Kyrie to get his ass handed to him by a lvl 38 boar-monster-thingy_

Rayne: _randomly logs in between Kyrie and the monster and finds the beast rushing towards him _WHAT THE FUCK?! _smacks the beast with his staff and the boar like monster flies backwards and shakes off the blow_

Boar Monster Thingy: _growls_

Rayne:_ tauntingly _Bring it fattie…

Boar Monster Thingy: _roars in anger and jumps in the air_

Rayne: Haha, noob XD… VAK DON BI-OTCH!! _a fire ball falls from the sky and strikes the boar monster thingy and kills it. Rayne turns around and helps Kyrie up _Why do I always have to save your ass?

Kyrie: Because random and unexplainable things happen to me… _smiles weakly_

Rayne: … w/e..

Kyrie: Meanie. _sticks his tongue out at Rayne_

Rayne: I'm sowwy D:

_A Chim Chim flies through the air out of nowhere and smacks Rayne in the head_

Myick: LOL!! XD

Kyrie: OMG!! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! I WANNA KICK IT!! _chases the Chim Chim_

Myick: Kick them till they die a horribly painful mega omega death. PWN THE CHIM CHIMS!!

Kyrie: … … OKAY!! XD _goes on a Chim Chim kicking rampage _THIS IS FUN!!

Rayne: _covers his eyes with his hand and shakes his head miserably _Oh… my god…

Kyrie: _looks back while still chasing Chim Chims, trips OVER Chim Chim, and triggers another random battle _NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!! WHY?!

Rayne: wtfh… I'm not savin' your damn ass again… lol… buh-bye. _Rayne logs out_

Kyrie: YOU SUCK RAYNE!! _sobs_

Rayne: _logs back in _NUUUU!! DO NOT!! DX _logs out_

Kyrie: YES HUH!! YOU SUCK MAJOR DONKEY BALLS!! **AND **MYICK'S!!

Myick: I heard my name. What happened??

Kyrie: RAYNE LEFT ME!! _sobs _FUCKIN' PUMPKIN SPICE!!

Myick: _kills demons _Get up!!

Kyrie: _hic _Why should I?! Nobody cares about me! Even Rayne, who said he was my friend, left me to die!!

Myick: …. …. He's a guy. And I guess he's sensitive… _whispers _I think he's GAY.

Rayne: _logs back in _I'm straight! D: _kisses random girl _See? _logs out again_

Myick: Not enough evidence. I still think he's gay or at least bi. LAWL. XD

Kyrie: … Then how does one prove that they're not gay? _stands up, looking confused_

Myick: By having sex with another guy and not getting hard…

R.C. 1: Is that even possible?

R.C. 2: What? Not getting hard or having sex with another guy? :P

Kyrie: _looks over at Myick _Wanna PK them? They're getting on my last nerves.

Myick: Gladly… REAPER'S DANCE!!

Kyrie: _at the same time _CHAOTIC STRIKE!!

Rayne: _at the same time, logs in _ORANI ZOT!! _logs back out_

_A few seconds later…_

Myick: WTF!! HE'S A CHAIN LOGGER OUTER!!

Kyrie: A.K.A. a Hacker. Hacking is FUUUUUN.

Myick: What is this… "hacking" you speak of??

Kyrie: Um…. OOH! LOOK!! A KING CHIM CHIM!! _runs over to kick King Chim Chim (worth 50 or so Chim)_

Myick: … … _watches Kyrie get crushed by King Chim Chim_

Kyrie: … … W-why…? _from underneath the King_

R.C. 1: _logs in _You know why. _logs out_

To be continued…

Asura: Wow… I feel bad for torturing Kyrie… BUT… it's just so funny. (smiles sadly and looks over at Glitch… who is trying to…. molest Raith)

Raith: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!! FIRE, FIRE!!

Glitch: … Pfft. You can't have fire in a story. (GLOMP)

Asura: … … … Actually… (watches as Glitch catches on fire) You can…


	4. The Arena

Lol, yes yes. We're back. Now, bow down to our almightiness. Whee. All right, all right. Anyway, we're having a lot of fun with this. We just wish more people will read our stuff… not that we don't like having you, MasterofGrey, reviewing. We actually greatly appreciate it. Hopefully we'll have more reviewers soon. OH, and thanks to our newest reviewer, Arxilla Uchiha!!!! Thank you for being our second reviewer!!! Anyway, please stick with us until we get bored. (smile smile) So, here's the fourth chapter of THE WORLD… AT ITS RANDOMNEST!!!! Enjoy.

Warning: The same as the first chapter, plus the slight-slandering of the Hulk. Lol.

Disclaimer: Meh, we don't own dot hack, but… we wish we did. (sob)

Part 4: The Arena… 0_o

By: Asura Mori, Glitch, and Raith_Rune

Myick: _right in Rayne's ear _Arena. Arena. Arena. Arena. Arena. Arena. Arena.

Rayne: … shut… up…

Kyrie: Anyway… what do we exactly DO in the Arena?

Myick: … … kill people.

Kyrie: … But isn't there a guy named HASEO who is the reigning champ of ALL THREE tournaments? … We are SO dead…

Myick: We don't have to do the tournies. We can just kill random people.

Kyrie: … And if this Haseo guy randomly decides to do the same thing as us?

Myick: … … then we're dead. Unless we get lucky.

Kyrie: … I don't wanna participate anymore… _starts inching away_

Rayne: _grabs Kyrie's arm and pulls him back _Don't worry. I gotcha covered Kyrie-san. _under his breath _… But Myick better watch his back… hehehe… kekeke… fufufu… LOL XP…

Myick: I heard that _smacks Rayne_

Rayne: NUUUUUUU!!!! NO U DIDN'T, GTFO (get the fuck out)!!!!!

Kyrie: _shakes head and logs out _Cya!

Myick: … … He needs rehab for all that logging out.

Rayne: … ur face needs rehab…

Myick: _cries in the corner _Why are you so mean? _sobs_

Kyrie: _logs back in _Cause he can be. _Starts to log out, but is tackled by Myick _FUCKIN' PUMPKIN SPICE!!!!!

Myick: … Let's go kick Chim Chims. _really happy for some reason… (Asura: RUN KYRIE, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)_

Kyrie: Didn't we do that YESTERDAY? And what about the Ar------- _covers his mouth, wide-eyed _(Oh, damn that was close…)

Myick: That's right… the Arena. _picks up Kyrie _Let's go!!!!

Kyrie: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!! _grabs wall, leaving deep scratch marks as Myick drags him to the Arena_

Myick: … Wait… we needs a third… DAMN!!!!

Kyrie: I thought Rayne was our third… _grows quiet, then sighs _Gawd dammit… me and my big mouth…

Rayne: … DAMMIT KYRIE!!!! D: _also grabs walls and braces himself_

Myick: RAYNE!!!! _grabs and hugs _You came back!!! You really do love us!!!

Rayne: … meh…

Kyrie: What the hell does his loving us (which he probably doesn't) have anything to do with our fighting in the Arena?! I DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU AND YOU'RE FORCING ME TO FIGHT!!!

Myick: … _cries_

Rayne: … uh… what he said. _hides behind Kyrie_

Kyrie: ……Why are you hiding behind me…?

Myick: _in between sobs _No one loves me anymore!!!!

Kyrie: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight… Well, I'm gonna leave now… _starts walking away_

Rayne: … … _looks at Myick and then realizes that the two of them are alone together… _NUUUUUUU don't leave me!!! D: _runs in Kyrie's direction and catches up with him, then starts walking _Hm… why does this path we're walking on seem SOOOO familiar? _Looks at a sign that says 'ARENA THIS WAY' and blinks _… eh… I guess it's nothing… _totally oblivious _doo doo doo…

Myick: HEY!!!! GUYS!!! _trips and tackles them to the ground and the three of them roll into the Arena _OOPS!!!!

Rayne: ……

Kyrie: …… fucking pumpkin spice…

Myick: YAY!!! The Arena!!! _turns to see three mean looking people _OMG!!! Scary people!!! _hides behind Kyrie_

Rayne: ……… _hides behind Myick and Kyrie_

Kyrie: Why are you guys hiding behind me?! I'm lower-leveled than both of you!!! _grumbles _Pansies.

Myick: They be scary!!! I don't like them!!!

Rayne: _sighs _Fine… _walks up to the other three and extends hand _Hello… my name is Rayne and as you can see, me and my compatriots have no wish to fight you. So let's all just shake hands and-------

Scary Pplz Leader: HULK SMASH!!!! _punches Rayne in the face and sends him flying towards Myick and Kyrie_

Myick: OMG!!!! DUCK!!!! _pulls Kyrie down with him as Rayne goes flying over them_

Random Character: _logs in _WHERE?! _gets bowled over by Rayne_

Kyrie: _shakes head as he stands _You know, I kinda figured that one of you two _points at Myick and Rayne _would have something happened to you… AND IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME!!!! _starts ranting _I'M ALWAYS THE FUCKIN' ONE WHO GETS IN TROUBLE, THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO BE SAVED – BUT NO MORE!!!!!! NOW I WILL BE THE ONE WHO STANDS ABOVE THE CROWD!!!!!!! _breaks out into Three Days Grace "One X"_

Myick: … Ok then… _looks at big HULK SMASH dude _Ummmmmmmmmm…. REAPER'S DANCE!!!!

HULK SMASH Dude: _growls and pulls out a…… staff… _OL REPTH. _heals himself_

Kyrie: 0_o That is… FUNNY AS HELL!!! _Starts laughing uncontrollably _HE'S A FUCKING HARVEST CLERIC?! WHERE'S THE **HUMANITY**?!

Rayne: _stands up, rubbing his head _Owwwww… thanks for cushioning my fall random guy.

Random Guy: _is dying due to being impaled by Rayne's staff _Ugh… tell my girlfriend… she's a whore… _dies_

Rayne: NUUUUUUUUUUU!!!! WHY MUST THE GOOD DIE YOUNG?!?!?! _Falls to his knees sobbing _…… oh look, a penny! :D _picks it up _Oooh. Shiny. … it's my lucky day. _Gets up and glares at the hulking harvest cleric _Now for some payback… RANDOM CHARACTER CORPSE FLING ATTACK!!!! _swings his staff – sending R.C.'s dead body flying towards the harvest cleric and smacking him in the face _Buhaha, take that fattie.

Beastly Harvest Cleric: _sniffle sniffle _Hulk not fat, just portly… _starts crying_

Rayne: Aww… come here… _gives him a hug _There, there I didn't mean it. It was just playful banter after all.

Beastly Harvest Cleric: _sob sob _Hulk never had father as child _sob sob_

Rayne: Awwh… there there, I'll be your daddy. _pats him on the back_

Beastly Harvest Cleric: Puny man will be Hulk's dad?

Rayne: Sure.

Beastly Harvest Cleric: Yay. _hugs_

Myick: Awwwwww… Too bad I have to ruin this heartfelt moment, but I need money. HEAVENLY WHEEL!!!!! _kills Rayne's new son_

Kyrie: _is crying on the floor, eating popcorn _THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!! _thinks he's watching a soap opera _BUT WHY DO THE GOOD DIE YOUNG?!?! _SOBS_

Rayne: NUUUU ROXANNE!!!!! YOU WERE THE SON I NEVER EXPECTED TO HAVE!!!!!!! (Asura: TEENAGE PARENTING, THE HORROR!!!) WHY CRUEL WORLD?! WHY MUST THE GOOD AND INNOCENT DIE YOUNG?!?!?! _falls to his knees, arms spread out to the heavens _… … oh look, a nickel!!! :D It must be my lucky day! _picks up the nickel and rubs it against his cheek _You will be called Roxanne Jr. and you shall be my new son! :D

Nickel: _speaks telepathically _Yay! Daddy!

Rayne: _smiles _We will have so much fun together!

Nickel: _…_what? WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!

Rayne:Oooh… teenage angst… fun … I disown you. _smile. Walks over to the arena snack bar and spends Roxanne Jr. on a popscicle _Yay!!! Popsicle! You shall be my new son and I shall name you Roxanne Jr-Jr. the fourth. :D Yay, now stay right there. I'll be right back with a balloon for you.

_Five minutes later…_

Rayne: _walks over with balloon in hand and finds a puddle on the ground _Oh, I have your balloon, my little love child… _sees puddle on the ground _Roxanne Jr-Jr. the fourth? ROXANNE JR-JR. THE FOURTH!!!! NUUUUUUU!!!! WHY MUST THE GOOD, INNNOCENT, AND TASTY DIE YOUNG?!?!?! _looks at balloon _You shall be my new son! I shall name you…. Bob… _accidentally lets go of Bob _NUUUUUU!!!!!! BOB!!! WHY MUST THE GOOD DIE YOUNG?!?!?! _pauses _Oh well… _walks over to Glitch and Kyrie _What'd I miss pplz?

Kyrie: You sure have a lot of sons… well, HAD a lot of sons. ……………………. You're a bad daddy.

Myick: … That was… so heartfelt. You're a great father, adopting all those babies… You're my hero. _in total contradiction of Kyrie_

Kyrie: ANYWAY, we won the battle because Hulk-Roxanne was the leader and we have to take out the leader to win. _pauses and looks at Myick _Hopefully Hulk-Roxanne will forgive you when he logs back in in five or so minutes. _looks at Rayne _And hopefully he'll still remember that you're supposed to be his daddy. 0_o

_5 minutes later…_

Hulk-Roxanne: _logs back in and rushes to Myick _DADDY!!!!!!!!!!

Kyrie: _laughs as Hulk-Roxanne turns and tackles Rayne _LOL… 0_o _winces as H.R. sits on Rayne and tries to suffocate the Shadow Warlock _Poor Rayne. He's been mistaken for Myick and Myick for him… Common misunderstanding. "If you go to jump somebody, but mistakenly jump a look-alike… hope they don't remember your face jump your look-alike." Sound advice.

Rayne: Um… ow… ow… my… ribs… they… burn… _wincing_

Kyrie: Um… _goes up to Hulk-Roxanne _Hi, I'm Kyrie. Would you like to join our party? We could use a, ummmm, STRONG Harvest Cleric such as you in our motley crew (Asura: Haha, I made a joke on accident. Motley crew… Motley Crue… all right, I'm done).

Hulk-Roxanne: Duhh… _looks at his old group and then back at Rayne, Kyrie, and Myick _…… Duhh… _a bit of drool hangs from the side of his mouth _Hulk pick old group up from street corner… Hulk not think old group fight for living, thinks old group does something else Hulk can't not think of…

Rayne: _gets up _So… u wanna be called Hulk then?

Hulk-Roxanne: Yes, Hulk think Roxanne girly name… Hulk not pansy, HULK SMASH! _hits ground creating a small tremor_

Rayne: Ok… how bout Hulk Jr. then?

Hulk Jr.: That works…

Rayne: OMGZ!!!!! UR FIRST PRONOUN!! I'm so proud!!!

_And thus Hulk Jr. joined the ranks of idiots and became the fourth member of the small group. And now the group consists of a trouble-inducing Adept Rogue (Kyrie), a Flick Reaper (Myick) who talks to himself, a Shadow Warlock (Rayne) who constantly logs in and out, and a Harvest Cleric (Hulk Jr.) who almost never uses pronouns… What could possibly happen next?_

To be continued…

Asura: Yay!!! New team-mate. _starts dancing randomly_

Raith: Heeyyyy…. The whole chain-logging was only a one time thing. D:

Asura: … Shush mortal. DEATH TO THE NON-BELIEVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _attacks Raith with a… tomato… and a chim chim…_

Glitch: NO!!!!!! MY FLAMING TOMATOES OF DEATH!!!!!!! _attacks Asura with… emo boys…_

Asura: … WHAT THE HELL?!

_And thus began the war of the authors…_


	5. Title's Too Long

Yesh, yesh, we're finally back, and with a new chapter. (smiles) Sorry it took so long, but we actually had to write it out first and that took longer than expected. … Blame Raith… I always do, even if it's not his fault. Let's just say he poked me. There, that's worthy of blaming him. So, anyway, here's the fifth chapter of THE WORLD… AT ITS RANDOMNEST!!!!!!!! Enjoy. We know we do.

Disclaimer: Look, we don't own it, so get off our backs.

Warning: Multiple abuses of random characters, Gaspard, and Myick. Plus the usual stuff. Swearing, randomness, and cults (wait… what?). Join us. It's fun. We get to sacrifice people to chim chims. (grin)

Part Five: Possibly Making a Guild, Totally Making Enemies

By: Asura, Glitch, and Raith_Rune

Rayne: U kno what? We should totally make a guild now… and then we shall embark on a holy quest to gain followers and we shall sacrifice the non-believers to the golden statue of our divine-king chim chim!!!! We shall wear yellow cloaks and sacrifice our victims in wooden crates with symbols written in blood on them, while chanting in an evil ancient tongue!!! _calms down and returns to his normal self _Whoa… I think spending time with Myick is turning me into a psychopath… Kyrie… If I start talking like Myick… please, save yourself… forget about me and run!!!

Myick: …… _wide-eyed _That… sounds… AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!

Kyrie: _backs away slowly, then runs_

Myick: After the NON-BELIEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _gives chase _KILL!!!!!! KILL!!!!! KILL!!! REDRUM!!!!

Kyrie: OMG!!!!!!! D.I.D!!!! **D.I.D!!!!!!!!!!!** DUDE IN DISTRESS!!!!!!!

Random Character 1: … Is THAT even possible?

R.C. 2: What, his being in distress or his being a dude?

Kyrie: _stops and glares at them _That. Is. It. _pulls out twin blades, even though they're in town _DOWN WITH RANDOM CHARACTERS!!!!!!!!!!!

R.C. 1: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!

R.C.2: HE'S TRYING TO UNMAKE OUR GUILD!!!!!!! _cowers_

Kyrie: ……………………. You guys are in a guild?

R.C.1: Yeah. The "Is That Even Possible" Guild.

Kyrie: ………………. _stabs R.C. 1 between the ribs _I feel better now.

R.C. 2: OMG!!! PK!!!!!!!!!!!!! **PK **IN TOWN!!!!!!!!

Everybody: _looks over at R.C. 2 and Kyrie_

Kyrie: Ummmmmmm…. _points over at Myick _

Myick: …… _RUNS_

Mob: _glare malevolently at Kyrie and Rayne_

Rayne: _sighs _Oh for Christ's sake… dammit Kyrie =.= … _yawns _Get behind me. _stands between Kyrie and the mob and pulls out a new grimoire_

Mob Leader: _scoffs _Even if you ARE lvl 100, Rayne, it's you vs. all of us. There's no way you can win.

Mob: YEAH!!!!

Rayne: _rolls his eyes _Fool… who says I'm alone?

Mob Leader: …………… Wha-?

Rayne: _whistles_

_The ground begins to shake violently and Hulk Jr. steps forward between Rayne and the mob, looming over the crowd of characters while sporting an intimidating spiked collar._

Hulk Jr.: Puny man threaten daddy? (Asura: Yay, he's finally recognized Rayne as his father figure.) _he stoops down so that his massive face stands inches away from the mob leader's face_

Mob Leader: 0_o"

Rayne: Take care of them for me, will ya Jr.?

Hulk Jr.: Hulk's pleasure… _pops knuckles_

Rayne: _peeks his head around Jr.'s massive body and laughs _Ha! Who's outnumbered NOW noob?

Mob Leader: Wh-what? _turns around to see that no one is standing behind him anymore, and that all that is seen in the distant is a dust cloud trailing behind a fleeing mob. he turns back around and gulps_

Hulk Jr.: … BOO! …

Mob Leader: _shrieks like a little girl, spins on his heel, and takes off like a bullet after the rest of the mob _WAIT FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hulk Jr. and Rayne: _laugh_

Rayne: Great work Jr.! _high fives_

Hulk Jr.: _high fives back _Daddy proud?

Rayne: Of course! Here, have a cookie! _gives Jr. a cookie and turns to Kyrie _You can have a cookie too! :D

Kyrie: YAY! Cookie!! _munch munch _… By the way… Where did Myick run off to…?

_In a random area…_

Myick: OMG!!!!!! They're still chasing me!! (Glitch: No one's behind him, lol.) I don't wanna die!!!!

_Back to the… "saner" half of the party…_

Hulk Jr.: OM NOM NOM!!!! _devours cookie_

Rayne: Hm… idk… so… who wants lunch?

Kyrie and Hulk Jr.: We do! We do!

Myick: _logs back in from the area _I got into a random battle and kept running into the barrier.

Kyrie: …… Myick, that's what SMOKE SCREENS (Asura: Which are your bestest friend.) are for, to enable you to RUN from battle and NOT into the barrier. :P (Idiot… even **I **know that and he's been playing this game a lot longer than I have.)

Rayne: …… :P … Poof!! _throws down smoke bomb_

Myick: _finds himself alone in the middle of the street after the smoke clears _…… Must… find… shelter. _runs into a random building_

Silabus: Welcome to Canard!!!! _tackle_

Myick: OMG!!!! RAPE!!!!!

Kyrie: OOH!!!! _pulls out a random camera _Rape, fun. Especially when it doesn't involve me.

Myick: YOUTUBE!!!!!!!

Rayne: …… _backs away slowly_

Gaspard: YAY!!!! New members!!!!

Myick: … What's a member??? (Asura: Ah-haha, dirty thoughts.)

Kyrie: _shakes head sadly as Gaspard explains what a member (Asura: Again, haha.) is to Myick _I'm surrounded by mentally deficient…

Silabus: _latches onto Kyrie's arm _Are you a new member too?

Kyrie: … help… Myick… _whimpers as Silabus drags him off_

Myick: Have fun. _goes back to talking to Gaspard _So… what ARE you? Some kind of dog?

Gaspard: 0_o D-dog?! I'm NOT a DOG!!!!!!! _tackles Myick, frothing at the mouth _You hume characters are all the same, always looking down on us Beast characters!!!

Silabus: _walks back in with a very shaken Kyrie and sees Gaspard throttling Myick _Gaspard no!!!!! I told you not to try and kill new members!!!! _tries to drag Gaspard off of Myick_

Gaspard: _gasping _H-he called me a-a DOG!!!!!!! _sobs_

Silabus: ………………….. WHAT? _turns and glares at Myick _You are so dead when our Guild Master gets back.

Kyrie: … _feels a sense of impending doom _And just WHO is your Guild Master?

???: That would be me.

Gaspard and Silabus: HASEO!!!!!!

Myick: HOLY CRAP!!!!

Kyrie: _whimpers _Ah… shit…

A few minutes later…

Kyrie and Myick: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! _runs out screaming, with Haseo chasing after them with a scythe_

Myick: WHY DID YOU CALL HIM GAY-SEO?!?!?!?!?

Kyrie: I DIDN'T!!!!!!!! THAT WAS **YOU**!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY DID **YOU **HAVE TO CALL GASPARD A DOG?!?!?!?!?! _still running_

Myick: Who's Gaspard????? _stops running_

Kyrie: _also stops _You remember. The fat, pink Beast character that is a Shadow Warlock like Rayne. … Why the hell did we stop running when there is a very infamous, very angry PKK still chasing us???

Myick: Who????

Kyrie: _sweat drop _… Hey, cya. I gotta go… _logs out, leaving the forgetful Myick to Haseo's wrath_

Haseo: YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!

Myick: _turns around _AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! _logs out_

Haseo: YOU WON'T ESCAPE THAT EASILY!!! I'LL GET YOU MY PRETTIES… AND YOUR LITTLE BOY-TOY TOO!!!!! (Kyrie: AM NOT!!!)

_Rayne and Jr. walk out of a small shop, both eating popsicles._

Rayne: _looks around _… Kyrie? … Myick? 0_o … now where did they run off to? …

Haseo: _turns and stares at him_

Rayne: _hard gulp _0_o …n-nani…?

_FREEZE_

Random Country Guy: Well, it looks like those Rune boys have got themselves in a whole bunch of trouble. Let's see how they get out of this. (Raith: LOL!!!!! Dukes of Hazard joke. HA!!!!! Okay, I'm done!)

_UNFREEZE_

Kyrie: _logs back in _Hey, Myick, is that guy sill… chasing…… you (small voice)…? _sees Haseo, but no Myick _Ah… damn…

Myick: _logs in _YESH!!!!!! _logs out_

Kyrie: WHO has a logging in and out problem? Fucking hypocrite. _turns to see Haseo glaring at him _Ummmm…. _points at random Moon Tree Guild member _He did it?

_Rayne and Jr. back away slowly. Rayne pivots on his right foot and takes off without looking – thus running into a wall._

Rayne: _falls backwards _ahh… FREAKIN A, my nose! DX … ow… _opens his eyes and sees a figure towering over him _…… grandmama? … is that you? 0.0 _Haseo comes into focus _OH MY GAWD!!!!!!

Myick: _logs in again _LAWL!!!!!! _logs back out, then logs in again _You stu….

Haseo: _grabs Myick's shirt _STOP LOGGING IN AND OUT YOU DUMBASS!!!!!! _punch,_

_punch, punch_

Rayne: Ummmm…. 0_o _slowly crawls away_

Haseo: OH NO U DON'T!!!! _grabs the back of Rayne's collar_

Rayne: _whimper _Jr., quick!!! Get help!!! _looks to find that Hulk Jr. already logged out _FREAKIN A!!!!!!!!! HULK ROXANNE JR. GET UR ASS BACK HERE!!!!!

Haseo: _pulls on both Myick and Rayne and smacks their heads together repeatedly_

Rayne: GAWD DAMMIT MYICK!!!! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU AND KYRIE DO TO GET HASEO SO PISSED AT US?!?! …… AND WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO FREAKIN HARD-HEADED?!?!

Kyrie: _watching in wonder _Daaaayum. Haseo must be PISSED. HEY, MYICK!!!! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS TIME??? _has already completely forgot about everything that happened_

Myick: I don't know… Something about a dog I think… _logs out_

Gaspard: I… AM… NOT…A… DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DESTROY!!!!!!!!!!!! DESTROY!!!!!!!!!!! DESTROY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rayne: _gets up and stands in front of Gaspard _Ok… calm down, just calm down… STOP HYPERVENTALATING DAMMIT!!!!! … ok… just breathe… SLOWLY… all right shh… shh… calm down… _rubs Gaspard's belly _All right… feel any better?

Gaspard: _shakes leg _Oh yea!!! Faster!!! Faster!!!

Kyrie: Dude… that is so fucking gay!!! _looks away in disgust_

Rayne: _realizes what he had been doing looked like _…Uhh… ahh crap… _backs away slowly_

Gaspard: Awwwwwwwww!!!!! Why'd you stop????

Myick: _logs in _Ok. What'd I miss???

To be continued…

What exactly DID Myick miss? Is Kyrie traumatized for life? Does Rayne have some explaining to do? Is Gaspard more like a dog than he realized? And where is Hulk Jr. during all of this? Find out next time, in TWAIR!!!!!!!!

Asura: Dude… _looks at Raith in horror _Your character is GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. (Oh yeah, the war's still going on.)

Raith: What? Don't talk now, were in the middle of a firefight!!! _throws a flaming tomato over some sandbags_

Asura: Oh yeah…… _throws a… snowball… at Glitch's head _FREEZE ASSHOLE!!!!!!!

Glitch: OMFG!!!!!!! SNOW IN MY PANTS!!!!!! **SNOW IN MY PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

_And so the war continued…_

Raith: btw…. MY CHARACTER IS NOT GAY!!!!! HE'S JUST MISUNDERSTOOD!!! :O


	6. A Lot of Explaining and Running

Well, here we are, yet again. Did you guys miss us? Oh, the only reason that we take so long to put these chapters up is because we actually come up with this story during our first and second hours, meaning we write it down in a pink, Happy Bunny notebook, then I type it up. So, yeah, don't get mad at us if we take a while. It just means we're writing it down still. Anyways, here's the sixth part of THE WORLD… AT ITS RANDOMNEST!!!! Enjoy.

Disclaimer: We don't own dot hack GU, sailor moon, the hulk, Christianity, ass-pirates, or anything else I forgot to mention. Oh, and the scene with Darth Vader. That's Robot Chicken's.

Warning: The usual swearing and randomness, OOCness, running like crazy, mention of Haseo possibly being gay/bi, making fun of religion, specifically Christianity, mention of rape and spying on people in the shower, near-death experiences, making fun of Sailor Moon and the Hulk, guys in skirts, and the dressing up of random characters. OH, and as Glitch so kindly pointed out, Ass-Pirates.

Part Six: A Lot of Running and Explaining To Do

By: Asura Mori, Glitch, and Raith_Rune

Myick: _running _RUN AND EXPLAIN!!!! JUST DO IT!!!!!

Rayne: _looks back _HOW THE HELL DID WE GET INTO THIS MESS?!?!?!

-FLASHBACK (30 minutes ago)-

Myick: _logs in _Ok, what'd I miss???

Kyrie: Do you REALLY want to know the answer to that… UNHOLY question? _still traumatized_

Rayne: Oh god forgive my soul for these hands have sinned. T^T

Myick: ….. Sin? What is this SIN you speak of???

Kyrie: …… _"whispers" a video of what Rayne and Gaspard were doing earlier _Ah… my poor eyes…

Myick: _turns to look at Rayne with wide-eyes _Why don't you ever touch me like that???

Kyrie: 0_o _shocked to the point of being unable to speak_

Rayne: … I DIDN'T mean to make it look like that…… I'M NOT FUCKING GAY!!! I JUST SAVED YOUR ASSES!!!! JESUS CHRIST!!!!

J_C666: Wha-? (Asura: Lol, how ironic.)

Rayne: NOT YOU DAMMIT!!!!!!!

Myick: _still on his previous comment _I'd touch you like that. _sniffle_

Rayne: 0_o … I'm… scared…? _Hides behind Kyrie_

Kyrie: _has his voice back finally _Oh hell no. I'm not sacrificing my ass for, or to, you. AND _moves away from Rayne _I don't want you touching me like you touched Gaspard.

Rayne: … for god sakes… ok then, the next time you and Myick are going to die from Haseo's wrath, I'm not saving your asses again… wait… where IS Haseo? 0_o"

???: _breathes deeply on the back of Rayne's neck_

Rayne: 0_o" _slowly turns head_

Haseo: So how would you like to die? Execution or prison style?

Rayne: … I-Is there a difference? 0_o

Haseo: _wraps his arm around Rayne's neck _Oh, there's a big difference…

Rayne: _whimpers_

Haseo: _licks the back of Rayne's neck_

Rayne: _bawls _Waaaaaaaahhhh!!!! Somebody help me!!!! K-Kyrie! Kyrie, help mee-e-e… _cries _Waaaaahhhh!!!!

Haseo: Oh for Christ's sake, I was only joking!!! _Lets go of Rayne, only to hold one of his twin blades up to the Shadow Warlock's neck_

Rayne: _whines_

Myick: Ohhhhhhh, rape! YOUTUBE!!!!!!!

Kyrie: Ah, revenge is sweet. I love it when I'm not the victim… _looks down at his leg which is moving jerkily _Dude, could you PLEASE stop HUMPING my leg?! I'm NOT Rayne! Fuckin' pumpkin spice…

Gaspard: _pouts and gets off Kyrie's leg with a sad expression _I can't help it… it just feels… feels so NICE…

Kyrie: 0_o … That is SO fucking gay. I think I should log out, hit myself over the head with an iron skillet, get amnesia and forget about this whole thing……… _slaps himself _WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT EARLIER?!?!?!

Haseo: … Cause you're blonde in real life.

Kyrie: 0_o How did YOU know that?!?!?! Are YOU stalking me?!?!?!

Haseo: _still has his twin blade to Rayne's throat _Fufufu, I've been watching you for a long time, Kyrie, especially when you're in the shower. (Asura: OMG!!!!!!!)

Kyrie: 0_o

Haseo: Your long legs glistening as the shower water runs down your body, your long, blonde hair curling just about your fine ass, your breasts--------

Kyrie: Dude, I'm a GUY in real life. THAT was probably my SISTER you were looking at.

Haseo: 0_o

Kyrie: Wait…… YOU'VE BEEN SPYING ON MY SISTER?!?!?!? _Goes over and kicks Haseo in the balls, freeing Rayne unintentionally _YOU FUCKING PERVERT!!!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!! _starts beating up Haseo, even though he's a lower level _I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!!!!!! WHEN I GET DONE WITH YOU, NOT EVEN YOUR GAY LOVER ENDRANCE WILL RECOGNIZE YOU!!!!!!!

Haseo: _gasping in pain _H-how did you know a-about me and Endrance…?

Kyrie: _stops momentarily _Oh, YouTube.

Gaspard: OL REPTH!!!! _Heals Haseo_

Haseo: _gets up and grins evilly at Kyrie, Rayne, and Myick _Prepare to die…

-END FLASHBACK-

Rayne: oh… that's how we got into this fucking mess…… GAWD DAMMIT KYRIE, thanks for saving my ass from certain death, but, GAWD DAMMIT KYRIE!!!! _Keeps running_

Myick: See, not everything is my fault. _Evil glare at Rayne _This time it's Kyrie's. _trips _OMG!!!! SAVE ME!!!!!!

Rayne: =.= omg fine… _turns and pulls Myick up and pushes him, giving him a head start. He looks back and sees Haseo speeding towards them _OHMIGAWD!!!!!!

Haseo: I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!!!!!!!

Rayne: _takes off like a bullet _Bad day, bad day, bad day, bad day, bad daaayyyy!!! _Trips over the same rock Myick tripped over _Ay! _Slams into ground _YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!! OMFG HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _Looks back and sees Haseo catching up to him _OH SUGA-HONEY-ICED-TEA!!!!!!!!!! _Scrambles up and takes off again… and… trips over a dog _DAMMIT!!!!!!!!

Gaspard: Hey! You kicked me.

Rayne: Wait, that was you?! I thought you were a do---- _clamps hand over his mouth _Oops…

Gaspard: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!?!?!

Rayne: … aww fuck…

Myick: HA!!!

Haseo: _behind Myick _Don't laugh pretty boy.

Rayne: Aw, hell. How did he even get there?! _Finally gets up _Well… good luck with that Myick… POOF!!!! _Throws down smoke bomb and disappears_

Myick: _logs out, leaving Kyrie alone with Haseo and Gaspard_

Kyrie: _looks around, sees that Myick and Rayne are gone, and Haseo and Gaspard coming towards him _Ummm… poof? _goes to throw something, but nothing happens _… ah… damn… I forgot to buy tear gas… shit…

Myick: _logs in _REAPER'S DANCE!!!!!! _Kills Gaspard_

Haseo: … Bitch. _Attacks Myick_

Myick: OH! The agony!!!!!!

Hulk Jr.: _logs in wearing a sailor's outfit 3 sizes too small _What Hulk miss? _Turns around and sees Haseo _OMFG!!!!!!!

????: Guys! Run!

Haseo: Who said that? _Steps forward and falls into a pit fall _WHAT THE FUCK?

_There is a loud poof sound behind everyone and a cloud of white smoke appears_

????: _cough-cough, hack-hack_

_The cloud of smoke disappears and Rayne is standing there wearing a miner's suit and helmet and holding a shovel_

Rayne: _cough-cough _See? _Cough _I couldn't leave u guys to die. _Looks at Jr. and his gay sailor suit _Ummmm… 0_o

Hulk Jr.: Don't ask. =.=

Myick: … AA!!!! HE'S AN ASS-PIRATED!!!!

Kyrie: OMG!!!!!!!! HULK JR.'S AN ASS PIRATE **AND **A SAILOR SCOUT!!! WHERE DID ANIME GO WRONG?!?!!? _SOBS _BRING BACK THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN SAILOR MOON AND MINI-SKIRTS WHERE POSSIBLE, BUT BLIND MY EYES TO THIS… THIS…!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS HERESAY!!!!! THIS IS A MUTALATION OF JAPANESE ART!! THIS IS… IS---

D.V.: Kyrie, I AM your father.

Kyrie: No! That's impossible!

D.V.: And Princess Leia is your sister.

Kyrie: That's… improbable?

D.V.: And the Ewoks will destroy the Empire.

Kyrie: That's… highly unlikely…

_Few minutes later…_

D.V.: And the force? Well, it's just a bunch of molecules in your body that---

Kyrie: Look, if you're not gonna be serious about this, then I'm just gonna leave…

D.V.: _pouts and leaves, giving Kyrie a dirty look _Bitch. _Logs out_

Kyrie: Well, THAT was random. Oh yeah… _looks at Myick, Rayne, and Hulk Jr. _Thanks for the save. I swear, Gaspard was about to hump my leg again…

Rayne: Heh, no problem… u kno, it may be wise that we make haste and leave before Haseo gets out of my pit trap…

Haseo: _muffled _DAMMIT, RAYNE PULLED A TEAM ROCKET ON ME… AND IT WORKED!!!!!!! THAT PISSES ME OFF!!!!!

Kyrie: Ooh, Pokemon references. Fun.

Myick: Pikachu! I choose you! _throws pokeball at Haseo_

Haseo: HOLY CRAP!!!!!! _Gets hit in the head_

Myick: YAY! Another Pokemon reference!

Rayne: Um, guys? Can we leave like… now, maybe?! Instead of poking fun at Haseo like he's some kind of caged animal?

Haseo: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST CALL ME?! _rubbing his head_

Rayne: Ack! _Peeks into pit trap _Please forgive me oh trapped one! _Turns around and whispers _It might benefit us to leave, like, now…

Myick: … _logs out_

Kyrie: I don't think that's what he meant… _looks at Hulk Jr. and closes his eyes _And could you PLEASE take that outfit off and put your normal clothes on? I'm seeing a little too much for my young, virgin eyes.

Hulk Jr.: Hulk already trade old clothes with puny man with skirt. Hulk not know what puny man need with trousers and long black leather straps though.

Kyrie: 0_o Dude… that sounds like a bad case of bondage…

Myick: _logs in _That sounds fun. _Logs out_

Kyrie: I wasn't finished. Ahem… a bad case of bondage… and something a guy named Endrance would totally do. I mean, jesu chrisu, he wears a fucking skirt!

Haseo: _muffled _Endrance finally got the straps?! WOOHOO!!!!! Er… um… I mean- ewwww… …. … oh fuck….

Rayne: 0_o

Hulk Jr.: 0_o

Kyrie: 0_o

Myick: _logs in _HA!!! _Logs out_

Rayne: _backs away slowly_

Myick: _logs in _You know, this chain logging in and out is fun. But it's messing with my hard-drive. I'm done.

Kyrie: Omg, it's a miracle. _HEAVY sarcasm_

Rayne: …… 0_o _still in shock about Haseo_

Hulk Jr.: …… parabola's is evil.

Rayne: 0_o … where did you learn that word?! 0_0"

R.C.1: Is that even possible?!

R.C.2: What? Parabolas or Hulk learning a new word?

Kyrie: … … … … _little light appears above his head _Hey, I have an idea. _"whispers" to Myick, Rayne, and Hulk_

Myick: Ohhhhhhhhhhh… that sounds like fun.

Rayne: Heh heh… _stares at R.C. 1 and 2 evilly_

Hulk Jr.: _grins and pounds fist_

_The four heroes close in on R.C.1 and 2_

R.C.1: … _backs up into a tree _… we are so fucked…

R.C.2: Is that even possible?!

R.C.1: STFU!!!!!!!

_5 minutes later…_

R.C.1: Ugh… where am I? _vision blurs and then comes into focus, he looks at himself _… And why am I tied up and dressed like Rayne?

R.C.2: _also tied up, but dressed like Myick _Is that even pos-?!

R.C.1: DAMMIT!!! SHUT UP!!!!! WE'RE IN ENOUGH TROUBLE, YOU AND ME!!!

????: Why am I in this?!

_The camera pans over and reveals J_C666 tied up with them_

R.C.1: Why are you dressed like Kyrie?

R.C.2: NUUUU!!!! I WANTED TO BE DRESSED LIKE KYRIE!!!!! (Asura: Woohoo, everybody wants skimpy outfits!!)

R.C.1: STFU!!! I hear something…

_The three characters notice the pit trap in front of them._

R.C.2: Hey… isn't that the same hole that----

_A hand suddenly shoots up and grips the edge of the pit_

J_C666: _shrieks_

R.C.1: H-hello? Who's there?!

Haseo: _pulls his head over the ledge, a fire burning in his eyes_

R.C.1: H-haseo? 0_o

Haseo: BLOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!

R.C.1 and 2 and J_C666: _screams and cries for help_

_Meanwhile…_

Rayne: _watching from a distance _Teehee… kill 2 birds with one stone! :D

Kyrie: Wow, I didn't know I was so popular.

Myick: The other R.C. didn't want to be me. _cries in the corner_

Kyrie: Ha-ha! Nobody likes you!! (Asura: Lol, making fun of Alfred from Resident Evil Code Veronica. Okay, done now.) It's not your fault, though. I'm just too sexy. XD

????: Mmm, yes indeed. _Wraps arms around Kyrie's waist_

Kyrie: 0_o E-e-e-e-e-e-ENDRANCE?! _VERY pale_

To be continued…

What could Endrance's appearance mean? Did Haseo call for back up after realizing he'd been tricked (Asura: Hell, did he even realize he WAS tricked?)? Or is Endrance here for a more… _sinister _reason? And will Hulk Jr. EVER get out of that Sailor Scout outfit that is WAY too small for him? And will a GIRL ever join the party?!?! Find out next time on TWAIR!!!!!!!!

Asura: RAPE!!!!!!!! RAPE!!!!!!!! MY KYRIE!!!! NOT YOURS!!!!!!!! _Smacks Endrance_

Raith: Ummh…. I think I'm gonna make Rayne wear a cup from now on… but not for athletic reasons… heh _puts on a cup himself_

Glitch: NUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's now wearing protection…..my plans….they are ruined!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Asura and Raith: … WHAT plans?


	7. Are All of the Guys in GU Gay

Acting on advice from MasterOfGrey (which was, in fact, really good advice, so thx MoG), we will now introduce who is who.

Raith_Rune – Rayne- Shadow Warlock (also plays Hulk Jr., who's a Harvest Cleric)

Asura Mori – Kyrie – Adept Rogue

Glitch – Myick – Flick Reaper

And there you have it. Truthfully, we take turns on everybody else and sometimes control someone else's character… though only in extreme situations. (smirk) There are times when one of us writes half of a chapter on their own... not naming any names… _cough- cough_ RAITH _un-cough_ ANYWAY, without further adieu, here's the OMFG seventh chapter. Enjoy. We know we enjoyed writing it.

Disclaimer: We don't own dot hack gu in any way, shape, or form, nor do we own any colleges, the freeze button aka VCR, Dragon Ball Z, or Fruits Basket… and apparently we don't own the empty void between our own chapters… what kind of crap is that?!

Warning: … Oh, the usual stuff. Sex (just kidding), swearing, gay guys (soon to be discontinued… maybe), ending chapters early due to lack of ideas… yeah… there's probably more but… we just don't feel like it this time. Bwahahahaha, we'll leave it to your imagination.

Part Seven: Are All of the Guys in G.U. Gay?!

By: Asura Mori, Glitch, and Raith_Rune

Rayne: _looks up at the title _Heeeeeeyyy… I'm not gay, and neither are you Kyrie…

Myick: Ummmmmmmmmm… me neither. _Walks away, twiddling his fingers and whistling the ToS 2 theme song_

Kyrie: There was a pause in that, Myick. _Glares suspiciously at the Flick Reaper _But that's not the point. The title refers to the "guys in G.U." and last time I checked we're not in the G.U., aka Raven, Guild.

Myick: OMG!!!! Kuhn's gay?!?!?! I knew it. Being a ladies' man was just a charade. … YAY!!!! I used a big word. I'm proud of myself.

Rayne: … what exactly are we gonna do now?

Kyrie: About?

Rayne: No, I mean… just anything – I'm bored, and Jr. went to college, so there's nothing to do!

Kyrie: JR.'S IN COLLEGE?!?!?! OMFGWTFLMAORUFFLES!!!!!

Rayne: Yeah, he got accepted into Harvard Law School – I think he's gonna be a dentist!

Kyrie: A… dentist… wow, that's special.

Myick: He went to Harvard Law… to become a dentist. … Makes sense to me.

Rayne: Yeah, I know. He's gonna make a GREAT hot dog stand vendor!

Kyrie: Didn't you just say…? … never mind, I give up… AND COULD YOU PLEASE STOP TOUCHING ME?!?!?! _glares at Endrance_

Myick: _jumps _He's like a frickin ninja. (Sorry Raith. Endrance beats you.)

_FREEZE_

Asura: Ha, Raith! You got beat by Endrance and he's wearing a skirt!!!! … pfft…

_UNFREEZE_

_FREEZES AGAIN_

Raith: _stabs Glitch_

_UNFREEZE_

_FREEZES YET AGAIN_

Glitch: … Save me. Death is imminent. Farewell cruel world. I won't miss you.

Asura: Get a life already. Authors don't die, we multiply. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Glitch: Like rabbits.

Asura: ……… NO. Rabbits are horny little mofos who fuck each other every other second.

Glitch: … And we're not???

Asura: Truuuuuue.

_UNFREEZE_

_FREEZES AGAIN (GAWD DAMMIT!!!!)_

Raith: Whoa. 0_o

Rayne: _pops out of the story with the authors _STOP FREEZING THE STORY DAMMIT!!!!!!!!! _Punches Raith and pops back into the story_

Raith: Owwwww... I got hit by my own character…

Gaspard: _snickers_

Raith: WHEN THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE?!?! _Tosses Gaspard into the bottomless pit of no return _Ok, now can we please this RP going?! _Presses play… nothing happens _Piece of crap VCR!!!!!!!!!!!!

_UNFREEZES… FINALLY_

Endrance: _touches Rayne's butt_

Rayne: OMFGWTFH PERVERT!!!!!! _Smacks Endrance with his grimoire_

Endrance: But Rayne… I love you… you're the thorn to my rose.

Rayne: … _twitch-twitch _… 0.0'

Kyrie: ……… GAAAAAAY. Well, at least he isn't touching me anymore.

Endrance: …… _touches Kyrie_

Rayne: HEY!!!! YOU CAN'T TOUCH KYRIE LIKE THAT!!!!!!! _Smacks Endrance with his grimoire again_

Endrance: _touches Myick and looks at Rayne, questioning whether he can touch him like that_

Rayne: You can rape him for all I care. _Turns his back and crosses his arm_

Myick: _scared _But I don't wanna.

Kyrie: Yeah, but Endrance does and you're the only gay/bi one among us.

Myick: BUT I DON'T WANNA!!!!!!! _Goes Super Saiyan _ I… SAID… I DON'T WANNA!!!!!! _Kamehameha's Rayne_

Endrance: … … YAY!!! Sadism!!! Me likey!!!

Kyrie: Okay then. That's my cue to leave. _Starts backing away from everybody_

Endrance: Nuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!! _Tackles Kyrie_

Kyrie: DAMMIT!!!!!!!

Rayne: BLASPHEMY!!!!

Kyrie: … huh?

Rayne: _logs out_

Kyrie: What the hell…?

Myick: … Hey guys… do you want to end this chapter early???

Kyrie: Yeah… this story has kinda veered off track…

Endrance: NO! DON'T END THE CHAPTER!!! I JUST MADE MY DEBUT!!!!!! _Sobs uncontrollably_

Kyrie: … fag. _Logs out_

Myick: … Well… bye… _logs out_

_Five seconds later…_

Myick: _logs back in_ Oh, I almost forgot… I AM GOD!!!!!!!!!!

R.C. 1: … You're not Akito, stupid.

R.C. 2: You're not even Kyo, the stupidest one of the Zodiac.

Myick: _kamehameha's the R.C.'s _DIE HOMOS!!!!!!! _Logs back out_

Kyrie: _logs back in, shakes head, and logs back out_

To be continued…

Ummmm… yeah… we're gonna get back on track now. Endrance and Haseo's… _preferences _will mostly stay out of the story from now on. Anyway, what will happen next time on TWAIR?!?!?! 0_o

_Chapter Ends…_

Rayne: _logs in_ Sorry I d/c… _looks around _ W-where is everyone?! Why is everything dark?! _ Looks up at previous text _ NUUUUUUU!!!!!! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EMPTY VOID BETWEEN CHAPTERS!!!!!!!

Poor Rayne, will he ever get out of the abyss of in-between chapters? Find out next time. (Bwahahahaha)

Asura: I'd say I feel bad for Rayne and all, but…

Glitch: You don't.

Asura: Not only that… I'M KINDA PRE-OCCUPIED WITH DODGING FLAMING TOMATOES OF DEATH!!!!!! _dodges a flying, flaming tomato_

Glitch: DAMN YOU!!!!! YOU SHALL NOT ESCAPE MY TOMATOES ANYMORE!!!!! HI-YAH!!!!!!!! _Throws another tomato_

Raith and Asura: N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _slow motion, rip-off matrix move_

_And the war still continued…_


	8. Title's Too Long Again

Yay, we have another new reviewer!!!!!! Give it up for… RAINDROPSFAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOO-HOO!!!!! Thanks for being our fourth new reviewer, although technically you're our third, since Glitch doesn't really count… (Glitch: HEY!!!!!! I COUNT!!!!!!!!) Anyway, glad you guys enjoy our randomness so much. It does our pitiful, teenage hearts good. So, without any more things to say, here's the eighth chapter of TWAIR!!!!!! Lol, I got tired of spelling it out.

Disclaimer: We don't own G.U., technical difficulties, Sailor Scout outfits, British people, Harvard Law School, bloody Americans, spring breaks, topless women (wait, what…?), Women's Glee Club, strip poker (fun, but scary game), drugs (well, we hope that we don't), Chain of Memories, Igneo, and emo piñatas.

Warning: Spontaneous combustion, swearing, mention of nudity and sexual events that nobody remembers. You've been warned. Lol.

Part Eight: Oh, Please Tell Us It Isn't So, Please Not Bordeaux

By: Asura Mori, Glitch, and Raith_Rune

Kyrie: Um… due to some… uh… _technical _difficulties, Rayne will not be joining us today… (Asura: That will be explained in a later sub-chapter)

Myick: So instead our third party member will be Hulk Jr. (Glitch: The author is the same author, as explained in chapter seven, so it will be like he was never gone. YAY!!!!)

Kyrie: Anyway… dude, please tell me you got rid of that Sailor Scout outfit…

Hulk: _now has a British accent _I say good chap, what is this word 'dude' you speak of? _Wearing a business suit and tie_

Kyrie: You went to college and don't know what 'dude' means? … Well, at least you're not wearing a skirt anymore… _shudders at the memory _Oh, the agony my poor eyes went through…

Myick: Hey, how was college Mr. Smart-man??? Did you learn how to spell???

Hulk Jr.: Well, for starters my good chap, I found college to be quite delightful. And yes, my jolly boy, I did indeed learn how to 'spell' as you bloody Americans say it. Oh, and I am currently on spring break right now. I shall have to return to college by chapter's end.

GGW: _Spring break bus drives by and lots of topless women flash the group of heroes_

Hulk Jr.: … ANYWAYS… have any of you good people seen father? I would like to tell him the courageous story of how I was accepted into my college's Women's Glee Club.

Myick: … Pfft!!!! … HA! Women's Glee Club???? Are you for serious? That is the funniest thing I've ever heard of.

Kyrie: Not to the mention the gayest. Although… it does explain the earlier chapter with the skirt…

Hulk Jr.: Well, I wasn't even in college yet when I wore that sailor suit. Oh, good times, good times… do you remember that time I spiked everyone's drinks and we all played strip poker? Heh… poor father… he never was good at poker. By the way, has anyone seen him?

Kyrie: Now that you mention it… I haven't seen Rayne in a while… AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SPIKED OUR DRINKS?!?!?!?! IS THAT WHY THERE'S A HUGE BLANK SPOT IN MY MEMORY?!?!?!

R.C. 1: OOH!!!!! IT'S CHAIN OF MEMORIES ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!

R.C. 2: IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!

Hulk Jr.: I say, that reminds me… ever since that night, Kyrie, I hope you've cleaned your bed sheets.

Kyrie: WHAT THE HELL?! WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?!?!?

Igneo: _Random interjection _(Asura: More like random annoyance) IMPLYING EVERYTHING!!!!!! _Leaves_

_FREEZE_

Asura: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?! DID IGNEO JUST POP INTO THIS STORY WITHOUT PERMISSION?!?! OH HELL NO!!! _leaves for a minute, smacks Igneo in the back of his head, and comes back _Sorry for the interruption folks.

_UNFREEZES_

Igneo: _comes back and spontaneously combusts, then runs around the room on fire and hits Kyrie_

Kyrie: WTH?!?!?! CRAZY RANDOM PSYCO CHARACTER!!! _Runs away crying _ME WANT MY EMO PINATA!!!!!!!!!!

Hulk Jr.: _sees R.C. 1 and 2 trying to sneak off _Where do they think they're going?

Kyrie: _looks over at them _Hm, they seem to think we're just gonna let them sneak off… Well, they have another thing coming to them.

R.C. 1: OMFG!!!!! THEY'VE CAUGHT ON TO OUR PLAN!!!!! **RUN!!!!!!!!!!**

R.C. 2: Is that----------?!

R.C. 1: SHUT UP!!!! _They both run_

Kyrie: HUNT THEM DOWN TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH!!!!!!!!

Hulk Jr.: I say, the hunt is afoot! _Gives chase_

_30 minutes later…_

Kyrie: OMFG!!!!!! IT'S BORDEAUX!!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!

Myick: WHEN DID SHE GET HERE?!?!?!

Kyrie: WHEN DID **YOU **GET HERE?!?!?!

Myick: … 5 seconds ago… Why???

Kyrie: Oh, no reason. So, how have you been?

Myick: Pretty good. How have you be… Who's touching my arm???

Bordeaux: … No one!!!! BUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Kyrie: OMFG!!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!!!! … AGAIN!!!!!!!!

Myick: You know I feel like I haven't been around a lot lately. Do you ever miss me??? Well, do you???

Kyrie: WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT AT A TIME LIKE THIS?!?!? WE'RE. IN. THE MIDDLE. OF A. CRISIS!!!!!!!

Myick: … There's a crisis???? Where??? Over there??? Is she the crisis???? _Runs towards random girl character _OMG!!!!! I can't stop!!!!! _Slams into the girl_

????: Like, wtf?! What are you, like, doing?! _Smacks Myick _Gawd, I just got my hair done and now you've gone and, like, totally messed it up! I'm gonna go, like, cut myself now and cry pitifully in a dark, secluded corner. Later, jerk-ass. _Flips her long blonde hair and struts off, a huge sword strapped to her back_

Kyrie: Myick… you're a fucking idiot. Go apologize to her, because you never know how a girl will get back at you for insulting her… oh my god!!! _Starts ranting _You're gonna go to sleep in the real world and then when you wake up in the morning… OH MY GOD!!!!!! _Envisioning Myick's torture, which includes staples, a glue gun, and a man's family jewels_

Bordeaux: Why aren't you running little boys?! IT'S NO FUN IF YOU DON'T RUN!!!!!

Kyrie: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!! (Asura: Eww, they're like the same ppl) HOW DID SHE CATCH UP TO US SO FAST?!?!?! RUN!!!!!!

_5 minutes later…_

Kyrie: Oh my gawd, we're gonna diiiiiiiiiiiie… _Kyrie, Myick, and Hulk Jr. are surrounded by a lot of PKs _I wish Rayne were here. Then, at least, we could die together… like a family…

Myick: … We're related?!

Kyrie: No! Eww, gross. I just said it cause it sounded dramatic!

Bordeaux: Say your prayers, boys!!!! I'm about to send you to hell!!!

Myick: … If we're going to hell, then what's the point of praying?

Kyrie and Hulk Jr.: _shrug, then all three cower as Bordeaux swings her blade at them_

????: Not so fast! _The blonde girl from earlier jumps in between the coming blow and swats it away with her own blade_

Bordeaux: Who the hell do you think you are?!?! How dare you come in between me and my prey?!?!?

????: I'm glad you asked! _Jumps up onto a rock, her hands on her hips _I am justice where none can be found! I am the rose in a dying world!!! I am the conqueror of evil!!! I am one of CC Corp's admins!!! I am… **EMOANGEL!!!!!!! **_Points her sword at the PKs _And you… are dead.

Myick: … Pfft. EmoAngel. _Looks at Hulk Jr. _Do you get it??? It's funny as hell.

Hulk Jr.: Sir, I would rather not make fun of our current savior. Besides, behave yourself my good fellow. You are in the presence of a lady. _Stoops down and kisses EmoAngel's hand _… Miss? I am quite honored to have mine and my friends' lives saved by you.

Myick: … That's even funnier. HA!!!

EmoAngel: _socks him _You shut up and stay down and maybe, just maybe, I'll think about saving your sorry ass.

Myick: … yes master. Of course master. I love you master. _Bow bow_

EmoAngel: Good dog. Now… _turns and looks at Bordeaux _Where were we--------- _phone rings _God dammit! _Turns away from everybody and pulls a cell phone out of nowhere _This had better be good, Kuhn!!! … what? … THAT'S WHAT YOU FUCKING CALLED ME FOR?! JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!! FOR THE THOUSANDTH FUCKING TIME, THE ANSWER IS NO!!!!!!!

Myick: … Are you cheating on me… Kuhn??? You BASTARD!!!!

Kyrie: Oh my Jesus…

_Over the phone… which is on speaker…_

Kuhn: Holy fuck!! Myick's there?!

EmoAngel: You two know each other?!

Pi: Haha Kuhn. That's what you get for screwing around with men that look like women.

Myick: KUHN!!!! YOU SHALL DIE!!!!! _Logs out_

_10 minutes later… over the phone…_

Kuhn: OMG!!!! HE'S KILLING US ALL!!!!!!!!!

_FREEZE_

Glitch: Just a note. Myick logged out and is killing Kuhn in REAL life. XD

_UNFREEZE_

Pi: How's he killing all of us when you're the only one getting beat up? _Answered only by Kuhn's agonized screams_

EmoAngel: _blinks and slowly pulls her phone away from her ear, then hits the END button and puts her phone back in her pocket _Anyway… _looks at Bordeaux _Where were------------------

Myick: _logs in, blood on his face and clothes _I'm back! _Smile smile_

Kyrie: Is that….? 0_o Never mind…

EmoAngel: _smacks both Kyrie and Myick upside the head _Would you two shut up and let me finish?! _Turns to Bordeaux once more _As I was saying… Where were we?

To be continued…

Wow. Um, yeah… We're gonna end it there for… _dramatic _effect. Anyway, the next chapter will actually be a SUB-chapter of Rayne's journey through the dreaded VOID BETWEEN CHAPTERS!!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! What horrors await our favorite Shadow Warlock?! Find out next time on TWAIR SUB-CHAPTER NINE!!!!

Glitch: Finally, a chance to torment Rayne… I've waited for this day to come for so long!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- _cough-cough _Dammit… stupid voice box…

Asura: Raiiiiiiiiith… Glitch is gonna torment your character… again…

Raith: Tee hee, I get to write my very own chapter!!!:D

Asura: Um… yeah, with inserts from us included. X3

Raith: Awwwwwww, that's no fun…

Glitch: It's not meant to be fun for you, only me. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!


	9. 8 Point 5: Empty Void Between Chapters

You know, it's a scary time before holidays. Teachers go missing, which is actually a blessing for some classes, friends go crazy and get you Christmas presents, everybody goes ice-skating, and Raith goes psycho on his subchapter. Yeah… it's a special time of the year, but also the scariest time… BUT… IT'S VACATION TIME BABY!!!!!! WOOH!!!!!!!!!!!!! … But know I've gotten off track. So, here's Raith's subchapter of TWAIR!!!!!!

Disclaimer: Yeah… we don't own dot hack gu, Matrix, Speed, Stars Wars, Mr. T, Legendary Frog, The Empty Void Between Chapters (actually, we might… maybe…), bitch-slapping, gangsters, dark elf Mohawks, the magical little rope that appears out of nowhere, metro buses, Keanu Reeves, explosives, and broken vases. Oh, and I recently gave up ownership of Raith to Glitch. Muhahahahaha. Oh, and we don't own random interjections or the slight reference to Fruits Basket.

Warning: Um… basically just take all the disclaimers and make it a warning. Lol, of and the usual. Cussing, gang-banging (Asura: …what?), and homosexuals (Raith: … no there isn't…) (Asura: …Shush mortal.)

Part Eight Point Five: Empty Void Between Chapters

By: Asura Mori, Glitch, and Raith_Rune (but mostly Raith this time around)

Raith: _looks up _Heeeeeeyyy ASURA!!!!!!! … I wanted to title the subchapter…. T.T … oh well…

Rayne: _sitting crawled up in the fetal position, rocking back and forth like a rocking chair on crack…_

_FREEZE_

R.C. 2: _pops in _Is that even possible?!

Raith: OMG!!! This is MY chapter for MY character… so if you would please… GTFO NAO!!!!!!

R.C. 2: But-but-but---

Raith: _shoots R.C. 2 in the forehead and sighs _Anyways…

_UNFREEZE_

Rayne: _sitting crawled up in the fetal position, rocking back and forth like a rocking chair on crack…_

_FREEZE_

Raith: Sorry about this readers, but I just gotta make sure… _points his pistol at R.C. 2's body, which is lying on the floor, and watches it intently_

R.C. 2: … _leg twitches_

_BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG!!!!!!_

Raith: _empties the rest of his clip into R.C. 2's body _Ok… well, if he wasn't dead before, he sure is now. Back to the story!!!!!!

_UNFREEZE_

_FREEZE AGAIN_

Asura: OMG!!!!! That was horrible Raith!!! We call polici!!!!!! _Runs off_

Raith: Asuuuuuuuuuuuura… please let me write my chapter, but… if you and Glitch must intervene, you don't have to freeze since everything's in the void – where we live… lol…

_UNFREEZE_

Rayne: WhatdoIdoWhatdoIdoWhatdoIdo… _his eyes widen and begin to water as his pupils begin to dilate _OhmigawdOhmigawdOhmigawdI'mgonnabetrappedinhereforeverI'mgoingtodiehere… I NEVER EVEN GOT TO HET LAID!!!! _Sobs _OH GOD WHY ME-EE-EEE?!?!?! _Cries harder_

_A ghostly image of Obi-Wan Kenobi appears_

Obi-Wan: Rayne… Rayne…

Rayne: _continues to sob in the fetal position _…must…get…laid… _cries_

_A ghostly image of Mr. T wearing Jedi robes appears_

Mr. T: Wake up fool! _Bitch-slaps Rayne_

Rayne: Mmph… er… wha-?

Obi-Wan: Rayne… use the force Rayne… let it guide you…

Rayne: But-but-but… how do I know that the force can show me the way?

Mr. T: Shut up fool! Let the man speak.

Obi-Wan: The force is in everything young padawan… it flows through your veins… through every rock, every bush, every tree… the force is a powerful ally, Rayne… allow it to guide you…

Asura: _random interjection _Oh, so it's like when you're on a Monster high. XD

Glitch: OH MY GOD!!!! I **LOVE **MONSTER!!!!!!!!! _Starts dancing in circles_

Asura: … Come on Glitch. Time to go. _Drags the dancing idiot away_

Mr. T: Anyway… Listen up fool! In order to return to your own world, you must find the oracle. Only she can take you back to where you belong.

Rayne: Yes masters… _bows_

Mr. T: _snaps fingers and a light appears high overhead and shines down on them; a rope falls from up above_

Asura: IT'S A GIFT FROM GOD!!!!!!

Glitch: AKITO'S HERE?! WHERE?!

Rayne: WOULD YOU TWO LEAVE ALREADY?!

Asura and Glitch: … fiiiiiiiiine… _leave once again_

Obi-Wan: Fucking teenagers… _coughs _Yeah, so… Climb this rope Rayne. It will start you on your path…

Rayne: Yes Master Kenobi… _grabs the rope and begins climbing and gets halfway up the rope when Mr. T yells up at him_

Mr. T: Don't fall fool! It's a looooong way down!

Rayne: Yes Master T!!!!!

Mr. T: That's GRAND Master T to you fool!!!

Rayne: Y-yes Grandmaster T!!!!

Mr. T: What's the matter fool?! Afraid of heights?!

Rayne: N-no Grandmaster T!!!! _under his breath _nuuuu… it's gym class all over again… oooh my arms… T.T

Mr. T: What was that fool?!

Rayne: N-nothing Grandmaster T!!!! _under his breath _How did he hear me?!

Mr. T: Us Dark Elf Mohawks have great hearing fool! You're a nerd, you shoulda known that!

Rayne: Y-yes Grandmaster T!!! My mistake Grandmaster T!!!!!

Mr. T: What're you doin' just talkin' fool?! Get climbing!!!

Rayne: _groans under the pressure and continues climbing_

Mr. T: You call yourself a man?! C'mon fool! Faster! Faster!!!

Rayne: _climbs faster but begins to cry under the pressure_

Mr. T: Why you cryin' fool?! Only little girls and pansies cry! Are you a little girl fool?! Are you a pansy?!

Asura: … yes, he is…

Rayne: _hisses at Asura _Nobody asked you!!!! _Turns his attention to Mr. T _N-no Grandmaster T!!!

Mr. T: Coulda fooled me fool! Now get climbin'!!!!

Rayne: Yes Grandmaster T!!!!! _continues to climb_

Obi-Wan: The force is strong with him… I sense much potential in that one… what do you think brother?

Mr. T: You too white to be calling me brotha, fool!! … But Mr. T can teach you how to be a G.

Obi-Wan: Word… _pounds fists with Mr. T as Rayne nears the top_

Rayne: _huff-huff _Almost… there… _gasp-gasp _… ooh my arms… _grabs the edge of the hole_

Woman's voice: I-I think I can see him!!!

Man's voice: Quick! Help me pull him up!!!! _The people help Rayne out of the hole_

Rayne: Ow my arms… where am I? _looks around to find he's on a moving bus _Wtf? How did I get on a bus?! _Looks back down the hole and sees concrete go by_

Man: Idk holmes, you must be crazy or you got some BIG, hairy cahones!!

Rayne: Thanks… _shakes man's hand _… but that's REALLY gross, thank you for the mental images…

Asura: _bursts out into song _THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES EVEN THOUGH THEY WEREN'T SO GREAT!!!!!!

Raith: GET OUT OF MY STORY!!!!!!!

Glitch: BUT THAT SONG IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!

Raith: I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!! LEAVE, BEFORE THERE IS SERIOUS PAIN INFLICTED!!!!!!

Asura: Sheesh… _leaves with Glitch, giving Raith dark glares _This is the AUTHOR'S domain, and he's kicking us out? Oh… he shall PAY.

Glitch: Yes… yes he shall… _the two leave with a dark aura around them_

Rayne: Anyway… _thinks _All I did was climb a rope….!

_A man in a SWAT combat vest at the front of the bus turns around_

SWAT man: If this bus goes under 50 mph it will explode!!!!!!

Passengers: _GASP_

Rayne: _in unison with passengers _HOLY CRAP!!!! … IT'S KEANU REEVES!!!!! _Runs up to him_

Keanu Reeves: Yes, I am he. _Gazes off into the distance in a dramatic fashion _… But in this movie, my name is John… and does the fact that this bus is rigged with explosives phase you… at all?!

Rayne: Nope!!! I'm just glad I got to meet Keanu Reeves! I'm so happy.

Keanu: I told you, my name is JOHN!

Rayne: Riiiiiiiiiiiight… well, John aka Keanu Reeves, do you know where I could find the Oracle?

Keanu aka John: Well, before we can do anything, we have to find a way off this bus…

Rayne: _walks over to the doorway _Is this the exit right here?

John: … Yes…

Rayne: Okii!!!!!!! _Walks down steps_

John: Wait! It might be rigged with explo-

_BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

John: -sives… fuck man, why doesn't anyone ever listen?!

_Some time later…_

Rayne: _blackness begins to fade away and Rayne's vision is blurred _Ohhhhh… my head…

Woman's Voice: I think he's waking up! Quick Neo, get Morpheus!

Man's Voice: Right, okay Trinity. _Walks off_

Trinity: It's good to see you're finally awake… you've been out like a light for hours.

Rayne: _blinks as a woman's face comes into focus_

Trinity: Hey there… my name's Trinity…

_2 other men walk in…_

Trinity: This is Morpheus… _points at the black guy, who waves hello _… and THAT is Neo… _points at the other man, who is smiling very stupidly_

Rayne: H-hey… you're the one… you're the one guy… _points at Neo_

Neo: No no no… I'm not the One…

Rayne: Yeah, you are… you're the one guy… John aka Keanu Reeves!!!!!!

Neo: Noooooooo… I'm NEO, that's TRINITY, and that's MORPHEUS… although Keanu Reeves is a very sexy name… _gazes off into the distance in a dramatic fashion_

Trinity: _gazes at Neo, a slight twinkle in her eye_

Rayne: … _staring at Trinity_

Trinity: _looks over at Rayne, realizes he's watching her watching Neo _Uh…. I think I left the oven on!!!! _Blushes and runs off_

Neo: ……. But we don't have an oven… Trinity come back!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rayne: Neo… I think Trinity likes you cuz…

Neo: Who me? Nah… Naaaaaah… she couldn't like me. She's supposed to fall in love with the One… the Oracle said so…

Rayne: Dude… trust me, I know love when I see it… Trinity's got the hots for you cuz!!! _Lightly punches Neo's arm_

Neo: So… I'm the One? HAHA!!!!! I'M THE ONE!!!!!!! I KNEW IT!!!!!!!! _Runs out of the room and shouts _HEY EVERYONE!!!!!! I'M THE ONE!!!!!! SEE HOW GREAT I AM?! I CAN DO ANYTHING!!!! I'M GONNA HIT THAT PIPE WAY IN THE CORNER THERE WITH THIS WRENCH!!!! _Throws wrench_

_Whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop… CLANG!!!!!!!!_

Random Crewman: OWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

Neo: I meant to do that!!!!!!

Morpheus: … _sighs and shakes head_

Rayne: What's wrong Morpheus?

Morpheus: The Oracle told Neo he wasn't the One for a REASON… it was exactly what he needed to hear… now that he knows he's the One, he's too reckless and is going to get himself KILLED in a pointless fight… you've doomed us all, Rayne…

Rayne: _places a comforting hand on Morpheus' shoulder _… Well… good luck with that! … But I need to see the Oracle so… take me to her?

Morpheus: Fine… how could I say 'no' to that cute little face?

_20 minutes later…_

Morpheus: Rayne, this is the Matrix. _Gestures at the white nothingness_

Rayne: Wow… it's so… so white… it reminds me of the void…

Neo: The what?

Rayne: It's nothing, never mind.

Morpheus: _snaps his fingers and the 3 of them appear in front of an apartment complex_

Rayne: Ooooooh… is THIS the Matrix too?

Morpheus: Yes Rayne.

Neo: Oooh! OOOH!!!! MORPHEUS!!!!! Can you take us to the circus?! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE?!?!?!?!

Morpheus: Maybe later Neo… but right now Rayne must see the Oracle…

Neo: Oooooh… I NEVER get to have any fun… Hmph… _pouts_

_The three guys walk into the building, up a flight of stairs, and into one of the apartments. The room is filled with kids, but Rayne approaches the one holding a spoon. (Asura: Not again… it's Legendary Frog all over again…)_

Rayne: Awwww… what a cute/creepy looking little boy! (Glitch: Pedophile…)

Boy: Try to bend this spoon, sir. _Hand Rayne the spoon_

Rayne: Bend… the spoon?

Boy: Yes, bend the spoon… with your mind…

Rayne: Ok… seems easy enough… _focuses on the spoon, but it doesn't bend, so he focuses even more on the spoon, and guess what? It STILL doesn't bend. So, he strains his mind and nearly pops a blood vessel (Asura: HOSPITAL VISIT!!!!!! YAYS!!!!!) _Hmph… I think it's defective… wait! What's that over there?! _Points out window_

Boy: Hm? Where? _Looks out the window_

Rayne: _smacks spoon against the wall corner, but nothing happens_

Boy: Wha-? I don't see anything! (Glitch: … that's what she said. Asura: Lols.)

Rayne: J-just keep looking!!!!!!!!

_THWACK-THWACK-THWACK, Rayne hits the spoon against the wall several times, and when that doesn't work, he tries to bend it with his fingers and hurts his hand. He finally shoves the end of the spoon into his mouth and uses his teeth._

Boy: _turns back around, eyeing Rayne suspiciously _I… didn't see anything…

Rayne: _quickly pulls spoon out of his mouth _Oh, I think it was just someone getting mugged or raped or whatever… nothing important. Anyway… Oh goodie, I bent it! See, it wasn't that hard. _Gives the spoon back to the boy_

Boy: _examines a spoon that is only half-bent, has a huge chunk bitten out of it, with teeth marks and saliva everywhere, and sees the new dents on the side of the wall _Hm… I guess you really DID bend the spoon with your mind… but it doesn't matter… _tosses spoon aside _The truth is… there is no spoon…

Rayne: … there is no spoon?

Boy: There is no Rayne…

Rayne: Well… then if that's the case, then there is no creepy bald kid who bends spoons with his crazy mind!

Boy: Wha-?

Rayne: THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT!!!!!!

Boy: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I'M MELTING!!!!!!! _Commences meltation (Asura: … "Meltation"? Is that even a word? Glitch: … GOOGLE!!!!!!!)_

???: Ahem…

Rayne: _turns and looks_

Morpheus: The Oracle will see you now…

Rayne: Sweet. _Enters a kitchen, the sweet scent of cookies wafting through the air_

Oracle: Hey hon, don't worry about the vase.

Rayne: _turns _What vase? _Accidentally knocks over a vase and it shatters _OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oracle: Don't worry sweetie… the question is… would you have broken it if I hadn't told you? Something for your mind to chew on… tee hee…

Rayne: Hm…

_FREEZE_

Rayne: _pops out of story and hits rewind button back to when he first entered the kitchen_

Raith: Hey! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!

Rayne: STFU BISH!!!!!

Raith: er… yes sir! _Cowers_

_UNFREEZE_

Oracle: Hey hon, don't worry about the vase.

Rayne: _stops himself from turning, then shoots his arm out triumphantly _HA!!!!!!! I DIDN'T BREAK THE VASE!!!!! (Asura: Wait for it…) _His arm hits the vase and shatters it against the wall _……………. Fuck…………….

Oracle: Like I said the first time… don't worry about it sweetie.

Rayne: Huh? But how do you know….?

Oracle: I'm the Oracle… or so everybody tells me. Old age is getting to me.

Rayne: Anyway… NO!!!!! WE'RE GONNA KEEP DOIN' THIS TILL WE GET IT RIGHT!!!!!!!

Oracle: Well, okay then… _sits back and watches_

_Several tries later…_

_SHATTER!!!!!!_

Rayne: FUCK!!!!!!!

Oracle: You give up yet?

Rayne: Yes… how the hell did that bird even get in here?!

Oracle: Who knows? Now, what you came here for… the way you seek lies with a ring…

_A telephone rings loudly in the distance…_

Oracle: Just like that! Just answer the phone and you will return home.

Rayne: But… where do I find the phone?

Oracle: Oh, that's easy… just leave the room, take a right, go up the stairs to the 5th floor, take another right, then go left, left, left, up, down, A, A, B, B, start and select, RB and LB, diagonal, do the entire Hokey-Pokey dance 3 times BACKWARDS, say hello to the talking elephant, ding-dong-ditch room 507 and then look up, go through the rainbow doorway, and your phone should be right in front of you… you get all that, hun?

Rayne: _without hesitation _Yep!

Oracle: Good boy, have a cookie before you go.

Rayne: YAY!! COOKIE!!!!!! _Takes cookie and devours it _OM-NOM-NOM!!!!!! _Leaves room and hurries up the stairway_

Neo: Rayne! Wait! _Runs into the hallway just as three Mr. Smith's enter the hallway on the other side – they all look at Neo, who swings his arm up towards them _Stop! In the name of love… _brings arm to his chest _… before you break my heart! _Looks down and closes his eyes_

Mr. Smith's: _look at each other, then point their guns at Neo's person_

_Gun cocking sounds_

Neo: … aw shit man, that ain't right…

_BANG-BANG-BANG… THUD!!!!!!_

Rayne: _halfway up the stairs _Heh, sucks for him! _Turns around and peeks past the corner at Neo's body _Daaaaaaaaaaayum… _runs up stairs_

_After following the Oracle's orders EXACTLY (Asura and Glitch: … DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYUM.), Rayne enters the room with t he phone… and a Mr. Smith… they both rush for it and Mr. Smith grabs the phone first._

_Rayne grabs the top of Mr. Smith's hand and Mr. Smith grabs the top of his. Rayne finally grabs the top of the pile with his final hand._

Rayne: HAH! I WIN BITCH!!!!! _Punches Mr. Smith in the face_

Mr. Smith: _staggers backwards _I… I think you brokeded my nose. T.T

Rayne: _picks up phone and sticks his tongue out at Mr. Smith_

Mr. Smith: Why you---!!!!!!!! _Swings at Rayne, just as Rayne dematerializes, so he hits the wall with his bare fist _OW!!!! FUCK!!!! DAMMIT, MY FUCKING HAND!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST (Asura: … … … … no comment.)!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT THAT HURTS!!!!!!!!

_Meanwhile…_

Rayne: _sits up as if just awoken from a bad dream (Glitch: … Doesn't that mean it was a nightmare?) _Hm? W-Where am I? _looks around and sees a stunningly beautiful blonde girl holding a giant sword before him. His eyes widen and he starts to drool slightly _Wow… you… you… you're REALLY pretty… _sees Jr. _Hey son!!!!!!

Hulk Jr.: _nervously points behind Rayne_

Rayne: Hm? _Turns around _Oh… hey Bordeaux… OHMIGAWD BORDEAUX?!?!?!?!?!?! _Pulls out his grimoire and takes a defensive stance next to EmoAngel _Whatever it is you want with us Bordeaux (most likely you've come to PK all of us…) I won't let you have it… so just do us all a favor and LEAVE MY FRIENDS ALONE!!!!

Kyrie: Dramatic much?

Myick: Very. Wanna go get popcorn and treat this like a soap opera?

Kyrie and Hulk Jr.: _shrug, go get popcorn, then sit their asses down and wait for the impending fight_

_END SUB-CHAPTER_

To be continued…

Now that Rayne has finally been reunited with his friends, what will happen to the group of heroes? Will they defeat Bordeaux… or will she slaughter them like yesterday's bacon? What about EmoAngel? Will she join up with the guys? Or call them sexist pigs and leave? AND WHAT HAPPENED TO NEO!? WILL HE EVER GET TO GO TO THE CIRCUS?! Find out about all of these things (well… except for the part about Neo… poor Neo…) and more in the next installment of TWAIR!!!!!!! CYA!!!!!!

Raith: Woohoo!!! I wrote that entire sub chapter all by myself… With little inserts from Asura and Glitch… and now my hand REEEEEEALLY hurts…

Asura: Bull shit. YOU didn't have to type it… though… neither did I really… damn it… owwwwwww….

Raith: Still hurts… ouchies… AND YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO TYPE IT UP!!!!!!

Asura: THAT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T COMPLAIN ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!

Glitch: SNEAK ATTACK!!!!! ASIAN SURPRISE!!!!!!! _Tackles Raith_

Asura: … Asian… surprise… wow…

Raith: OHMIGAWD!!!!!! GET HIM OFF OF ME!!!!!!! RAPE!!!!!!! **RAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Glitch: It's not rape if you want it.

Asura: … Fire.

Glitch: _magically combusts _OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!! I'M ON FIRE!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Asura and Raith: Yay.


	10. The Young, The Bold, and The Suicidal

Asura: All right, before this chapter even gets under way, we feel like we should explain our long absence from fanfiction. The truth is…

Raith: ASURA ABANDONED US!!!!!

Glitch: YOU WHORE!!!!!

Asura: … I did not ABANDON you guys. I MOVED in with my DAD. Anyway, the reason we haven't been updating as often is simple: We haven't been able to get together to actually WRITE the chapters. And that's it for explanations. XD Any questions?

Glitch: … yeah…

Raith: WHY DID YOU LEAVE US?! _SOBS_

Asura: _sighs _This is gonna take a while… Anyway, here's the tenth chapter of TWAIR!!!! Enjoy, mortals.

Disclaimer: We do not own the defective method of justice that EmoAngel has, PKs, PKKs, lesbians, pansies, big or small words, hacking, random logging out and abandoning your friends, abusive actions against women who deserve it, Jesus, the Devil, weird love confessions at the most wrong moments in time, people sleeping with their best friend's siblings, Justin Timberlake, Bobo, large boom boxes, and "Numa Numa". WE DO OWN the phrase "Is that even possible?" and, hopefully, our own characters.

Warning: … All of the above, plus language, OOCness, and randomness.

Part Nine: The Young, The Bold, and The Suicidal

By: Asura Mori, Glitch, and Raith_Rune

Kyrie: Yay, Rayne's back! Although… I think you chose a bad time to log in… _looks around at all the PKs that have surrounded them, before turning back to Rayne _By the way… WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!

EmoAngel: Can you two lovebirds talk about this later?! I'm trying to enact justice on this heinous villain!!! SO GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!!

Rayne: We're not lovebirds-------

EmoAngel: MOVE IT!!!!!!!

Kyrie, Myick, Rayne, and Hulk: YES 'MAM!!!!! _all scramble aside, leaving EmoAngel a clear path to Bordeaux_

EmoAngel: Now… you four take care of the other trash. I've got a date with Bordeaux. _rushes Bordeaux and begins an epic battle_

Myick: ……………………… _whispers to Rayne _Dude, is she a lesbo?!

Rayne: ……

Myick: ……

Rayne: …… that's hot.

Myick: …… It is?

Rayne: …… _googly eyes at EmoAngel_

Myick: ……

Rayne: _drools_

Myick: _to Kyrie _…… I'm scared.

Kyrie: ……

Myick: Ok, these two are in their own little lesbian fantasies. I guess it's up to you and me, Hulk Jr.

Hulk Jr.: …… _drools_

Myick: GAWD DAMMIT!!! I'm all alone…

Rayne: _shakes head and yells out to EmoAngel _You sure you don't want any help?! _pulls out grimoire _

EmoAngel: _still fighting Bordeaux _Unlike you pansies, I know how to deal with AVERAGE PKs.

Bordeaux: _growls _Who are you calling AVERAGE?! _attacks with even more vigor_

Myick: …… _whining voice _Pansies??? We're not pansies. I'm a PK myself.

EmoAngel: _PAUSE _You're… a PK…?

Myick: Not an accomplished one, but… yes. (Glitch: I used a big word!!! YAY!!!!)

EmoAngel: ……… I'm leaving. Any friend of a PK is no friend of mine. Cya. _nods at Bordeaux _Have fun destroying them. _logs out of area, leaving the four heroes to Bordeaux's wrath_

Myick: WAIT!!!!!! I was jok--------------- _turns around to three pairs of murderous eyes_

Hulk Jr.: …… _logs out_

Rayne: ……. You asshole.

Kyrie: Fuckin' pumpkin spice… wait… did Hulk Jr. just ABANDON us?

Myick: I think he did… Well do you gu…. Wait… we can just log out and dodge Bordeaux. Why didn't we think of that before? Wow… your mom was right, Kyrie. We are crack heads.

Kyrie: Am not. And anyway, to log out of an AREA, you need a chaos gate (a rule we HAVEN'T been following recently), unless you are a hacker or a member of CC Corp.

Rayne: … you asshole.

Myick: _ignores Rayne _Well, we DO have a hacker with us.

Kyrie: … Really? Where?

Myick: _points at Rayne _THAT homo.

Bordeaux: Hello?! I'M STILL HERE!!!! TURN AROUND AND MEET YOUR DEATH ALREADY!!!!!!

Rayne: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! WE'RE HAVING A CREATIVE DISCUSSION AT THE MOMENT!!!!

Bordeaux: _gasps _You… did… NOT JUST TALK TO ME LIKE THA-----

Rayne: I SAID STFU!!! _bitch-slaps Bordeaux with his grimoire_

Kyrie: Wow. THAT'S new. _smile _The PK is getting PKed. Ah, long live PKKs. XD

Bordeaux: _hand shoots up to her cheek _H-how… HOW DARE Y---------

Rayne: SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!! _smacks her repeatedly with his grimoire _WHY- _thwack _- WON'T- _thwack _- YOU - _thwack _- JUST - _thwack _- SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kyrie: Sweet music to my ears, the sound of senseless beatings is. A wonderful serenade to end a perfect moment. … Too bad SOMEONE made EmoAngel LEAVE us. _glares at Myick _We finally get a female to join our party in this… THIS… "group", and you go and scare her away!!!

Myick: Is that even possible????

Rayne: (in background hitting Bordeaux around with his grimoire) RRRAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! _smack-smack-smack-smack-smack-smack_

Kyrie: _smacks Myick since Rayne isn't there to do so _STFU Myick!!!! We've got bigger things to worry about!!!

Myick: _holds hand to cheek _You… you smacked me… WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kyrie: Jesu Chrisu… _smacks Myick again _Keep it together man!!!! We've been surrounded by enemy forces!!!!!! T.T

Myick: We have? _looks around _OH MY JESUS IN THE FACE!!!!!!

Kyrie: It's cause and effect. _holds up diagram of what's happened so far _See? XD

PK 1: _looks at beat up Bordeaux _Um… boss…

PK 2: … you… you okay?

Rayne: _turns around slowly with fire burning in his eyes _BLOOD!!!!!!!!!! _charges at the group of PKs surrounding Kyrie and Myick, wielding his grimoire like a sword _DIE!!!!!!!!

PK 1: OH MY SWEET JESUS!!!!

PK 2: HE'S THE DEVIL REINCARNATED!!!!!

PK 3: HEAD FOR THE HILLS!!!!!

PK 4: FLEE!!!!!! FLEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Rayne: THERE'S NO ESCAPE FOOLS!!!!!!!!

PK 1: WE'RE SCREWED!!!!!!!!

PK 2: IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!

Kyrie and Myick: _break out into song _IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!!!!!!!

PK 2: …… DOOM IS UPON US!!!!!!

PK 3: PK 4... There's something I need to tell you before we both die…

PK 4: I know man… I already know _holds a finger up to PK 3's lips _…… I love you too--------

PK 3: What? NO! EWW!! I was gonna tell you I had sex with your sister!!!

PK 4: YOU WHAT?! SONUVABITCH!!! _cat-fight commences_

Kyrie: Anyway, Rayne took care of our being surrounded problem, so now we have nothing to worry about. :P

Myick: It's cause and effect, see? XD

Kyrie: Nuuu… That's MY saying. _smacks Myick yet again_

Myick: WHY DO YOU KEEP HITTING ME?! IT HURTS ME EMOTIONALLY INSIDE!!!!!!! _cries_

Kyrie: Oh, go cry me a river, bitch.

J_T: That's what I told my gurl after she cheated on me with my best friend… _also cries_

Kyrie: Dude, NOBODY cares.

J_T: ……… STFU. Nobody gives a damn what you think anyway. Peace out, bish. _walks away_

Myick: … was that Justin Timberlake?!

Kyrie: What are you talking about? _blank stare_

Myick: That guy you were just talking to…

Kyrie: What guy?

Myick: That guy…

Kyrie: There was nobody there Myick, just like there was no parakeet in the birdcage. (Asura: Warning, inside joke. Lol.)

Myick: WHAT parakeet?

Kyrie: Exactly. _walks away smiling_

Myick: But… but… but… _smoke comes out of his head _I DON'T GET IT!!!!!!! _MIND OVERLOAD_

Kyrie: Ah, that was fun. _whistles Song of Storms _Hey, Rayne! Wanna go and get some pizza while Myick's brain is friend? :P

Rayne: _covered in blood and pulling PK 2 by his hair _Sure! I worked up quite an appetite. … Come Bobo!!!! _tugs on PK 2's hair and drags him along_

PK 2: _whimpers_

Myick: _beats head against the wall _WHO IS BOBO?!?!?! WHAT PARAKEET?! WHY AM I EVEN ALIVE?!?!?!?! _attempts suicide and fails miserably_

Kyrie: You fail at life.

Rayne: Umh… don't you mean failing at death?

RC 1: _pops up between Kyrie and Rayne, in a purple cloud of fluffy smoke _Is that even possible?!

RC 2: _poofs in between Kyrie and Rayne in a cloud of fluffy pink smoke _What? Failing at life or failing at death?

RC 3: _poofs in behind Kyrie in a cloud of rainbow smoke _Maybe it's both!!!!

_RC 1, 2, and 3 all move in close to Kyrie's face_

RC 1, 2, and 3: What do YOU think?!?!

RC 3: Eh? EEEEHHHH?!

_PAUSE._

Kyrie: WHO THE FUCK JUST TOUCHED MY BUTT?!?!?!?!

Rayne: ……

RC 3: D-d-d-don't look at me! _backs away _I didn't do it!!!

Kyrie: I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL Y------------

_A large boom box falls and crushes RC 3 before Kyrie can exact his revenge_

"_Numa Numa" blasts from the speakers, blowing everybody over, as a girl with short, blonde hair appears out of nowhere_

???: KYRIE!!!!!!!! I MADE A CHARACTER!!! COME DANCE WITH ME!!!!!!

Kyrie: SIS?!

To be continued…

A/N: What is this new development that involves Kyrie's sister? Who touched Kyrie's butt? Is Myick forever trapped in the insanity of his own mind? Will Rayne ever NOT be covered in blood? AND WHERE THE HELL IS HULK JR.?!

Asura: I thought he went back to Harvard…

Glitch: TO BE A DENTIST!!!

Raith: NO! TO STUDY THE ART OF MAKING Q-TIPS!!!!!

Asura: WOW. Anyway… _clears throat _Attention all readers, we have a new author!!!!!!!

Glitch: SHE WAS JUST BORN THIS MORNING!!!! SHE IS ONLY SEVEN HOURS OLD!!!!! HER NAME IS ROCKY HORROR!!!!!!

Raith: … Shiro's gonna kill you. Lol.

Asura: Yeppers. XD

_And for that one minute, there was peace on earth and the war was put on hold._

_Shiro: … A BABY DIED!!!_

_Asura: Horrible._


	11. Dance Liebling Dance!

Asura: What's up ppls? It's been a long time since we updated and I'd like to say that it really isn't our fault, but…

Glitch: It is. :D

Raith: No, it's not. It's the circumstances' fault.

Shiro: WHOO-HOO!!! I GOT A NAME CHANGE!!!!!!

Asura: Yep, our Shiro is now called Tyrann. :D

Raith: Though that doesn't explain our absence… now does it.

Glitch: Nope, never has and never will.

Asura: So, long story made short, we just couldn't find the time to get together. It's hard living far apart. D:

Raith and Glitch: (nods) Yep, and it's all Asura's fault. She moved away from us.

Asura: … It's like you guys are blaming it all on me…

Raith, Glitch, and Tyrann: (look at each other, then nod) YEP! :D

Disclaimer: We do not own Dot Hack in any way, shape or form, nor do we own Buddha, L33t Speak, CC Corp., the art of magically poofing away, love slaves, random dancing, godly forces, plot devices, code 7-6-3, random ppls, PKs in general, the Russian Server (if such a thing exists), the "Fire Rule", never telling the time that something happens, "mistakes", Final Fantasy in general, God, Jesus, Jojo's "Get Out (Leave)!", and anything else we may have conveniently forgotten. :D Ironically, the only thing we really do own in this story is our characters (which is debatable), and the L33t Zombie.

Warning: Random flames, gay jokes, "Fire Rule", Buddha, idiocy on Myick's, and sometimes other ppls, part, L33t speak and the L33t Zombie, random Russian players, Russian-Asians, contradictions, cannibalism, summon-monsters, random reviewers, random characters showing up from different video games, random singing to phrase what's going on, and the death of major characters about to ensue. :D

Part Ten: Dance Liebling, Dance

By: Asura Mori, Raith Rune, Glitch16, and Shiro Mori (now Tyrann)

Kyrie: SIS?!

Rayne: Whoa… (looks away innocently)

Myick: (smiles) Yays! A friend! … Who's she? (looks at Rayne) Who're you?

Rayne: … I oughta smack you… (smacks Myick with his grimoire) NOW do you remember who I am?!

Myick: Yes master. Sorry master. It won't happen again master.

???: (blinks) Kyrie… you're friends are weird… (smile) Are they your love slaves?

Kyrie: Liebling! They're not my love slaves----

Myick: (looks at Rayne) We're not? What about that time, at the place, with the thing… you know?

Rayne: (shrugs)

Kyrie: GUYS!!! I'm not gay---!!!

Liebling: Duh. You're bi. (smile) Hey, Freaky One! (calling to Myick) Come dance with me!

Myick: (turns to Kyrie) Do **I **have to master???

Kyrie: You don't have to if you don't want to… and why the hell are you calling me master…?

Liebling: 937 7eh fucI 0v3r h3r3, N40! (Translation: Get the fuck over here, now!)

Myick: (Rayne is pushing him towards her) What is this godly force pushing me towards you?

Liebling: … Buddha.

Rayne and Kyrie: (look at each other) Er… Buddha?

Myick: BUDDHA!!!!!

Rayne: Um… okay then… (backs away slowly) POOF!!! (disappears in a cloud of thick white smoke)

Liebling: Hey!! Come back!!!

Myick: Lol, it's no use. Once Rayne poofs away like that, there's no way of getting him to come back until he wants to.

Liebling: … Really? (pulls out a cell phone)

Kyrie: … No comment.

Liebling: (on the phone) Mr. Game-Coordinator? Yeah, we have a violation of code 7-6-3 part 2, with a "Rayne"? (listens and smiles) M'kay! (hangs up) Yay! Character death!

Rayne: (poofs back) Hey…

Liebling: (sticks a note to his forehead) PWNAGE by Liebling!!

Rayne: … WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?! (pokes note) .. is it permanent…? (whines)

Liebling: Nah, just lick it a bit and it comes right off.

Kyrie: Ewwwww… wait a minute… Liebling? How do YOU know about code 7-6-3?

Rayne: The same way you do. Facebook.

Kyrie: … You'd be surprised what you can learn off of Facebook. :D Anyway, Liebling. Only CC Corp. members or hackers know about that code… 0_0

Myick: (whispers to Rayne) Or apparently Facebook users. :D

Liebling: 1 DOI\I'7 H4CI! (Trans: I DON'T HACK!) (takes a calming breath) No, I dated this guy that I made a complaint to about this other guy that was watching me in the shower when my hair was still long. See?

Kyrie: Its cause and effect, see? :D

Myick: Wait a minute… Didn't Haseo say something like that… LE GASP!!!! PLOT DEVICE!!!!

Liebling: (glares) Who is this… H4530?! (Trans: Haseo?!)

Kyrie: (closes his eyes with a sigh, remembering past events) Ah, Haseo. He's a famous PKK, feared by many. Through some IRONIC, but mostly Myick's fault, twist of fate we became enemies… and to this day he has been chasing us, waiting for the day we let down our guard so that he may rape us in our sleep------------

Myick: (pops out of nowhere) BOO!

Liebling: M33P5!!! (hides behind Kyrie) 4V3NG3 M3 8R07H3R!!!! (Trans: Meeps!!!! Avenge me brother!!!!)

Rayne: Hey! BAD MYICK!!! (hits Myick with his grimoire) NOT COOL! … (turns to Liebling) You're really good at speaking in l337… you practice it I'm guessing?

Liebling: … Eh? (trembles) … L337… 5p341…? N035!!! J00 5H4LL P4Y 3V1L L337 20MB13!!! (Trans: L33t… speak…? NOES!!! YOU SHALL PAY EVIL LEET ZOMBIE!!!) (dashes away to a chaos gate)

Myick: Zombie?!?!?!?! Where??? (pulls out a fake gun)

Kyrie: No, no. A LEET zombie. And don't worry. It's in Russia right now… OH NO!!! LIEBLING!!!! SHE'S IN DANGER!!!!!

Myick: What? Why?

Kyrie: … Haseo's in the Russian server today… and so are the angry Russian mobs…

Myick: There's a Russian server??? … What's a "Russia" anyway?

Little Random Skull Flying Around Myick's Head: Rue-ssha! (Rue-sha)

Myick: (slowly pulls out a fly swatter) What evil being is this? (swats)

Kyrie: DON'T DO THAT!!! It's Liebling's… and she'll kill you…

Myick: (looks at in awe) Then it's a god!!!! (grovels on the floor by the fly-swatted skull)

Kyrie: Actually, its name is Skully… and it's a summon monster… that'll eat your brains. :D

Rayne: Myick, you're an idiot… c'mon, let's go get Liebling before she gets attacked and/or raped by Haseo and the Russian mob!!! … OMG!!!

Myick: WHAT?! (jumps up and looks around, searching for danger)

Rayne: SHE DOESN'T KNOW THE "FIRE RULE" YET!!!

Skully: (weak little voice but apparently still alive) Fi-yah!!! (Fire)

Kyrie: (stares at it, then picks it up) … "Fire Rule"…? What… OH!!!! The whole "Don't yell rape, yell fire." … But wait, the last time I yelled fire… T_T

Myick: … Nobody helped you.

Kyrie: Yeah…

Rayne: Who cares about THAT?! We gotta hurry and save Liebling so that we don't repeat the same mistake!!! (runs towards the chaos gate)

Kyrie: (pauses as he's running) … wait a minute… WHAT DO YOU MEAN "Who cares"?! I CARE!!!! I ALMOST GOT RAPED!!! HEY!!! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?! YOU FUCKING BASTARDS!!!! (chases after them)

Sometime later in the Russian server… (notice how we almost never tell you the actual time of things. :D)

Liebling: J00!!! **J00!!! **1'M 51(1 0F J00! W3 D0 7H15 3VeRY 731\1 D4Y5!!! (Trans: You! YOU! I'M SICK OF YOU! WE DO THIS EVERY TEN DAYS!!!) (points at L337 20MB13 with one hand on her hip)

L337 20MB13: (tilts head and raises his arms in frustration) Hey, you can't blame me for your misfortunes. I just show up at random places, where you are for some reason, every ten days. It's not my fault that you happen to be there, in the same place.

Liebling: J00… R4WR!!!!! J00 817 M3!!!! (Trans: You… RAWR!!!!! YOU BIT ME!!!!)

L337 20MB13: And? It's not my fault that you happened to be in biting range and that my bite permanently inflicts L337 5p341 on my victims. (rock hits L337 20MB13 upside his head)

Haseo: J00!!! 1 F0U1\1D J00!!!! J00 FU(11NG 84574RD!!! J00 817 M3!!! (Trans: YOU!!! I FOUND YOU!!! YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!! YOU BIT ME!!!)

Liebling: J00 700?! (Trans: You too?!)

Haseo: (blinks) D0 1 11\10W J00? (Trans: Do I know you?)

Myick: … No! … Maybe… sometimes… what happened? (pops out of nowhere)

Kyrie: Idiot… you just blew our cover…

Rayne: (shakes his head in disbelief, then smacks Myick upside his head) Damn you Myick…

Skully: Fi-yah!!!

All of the guys: (groan) God dammit Skully…

Myick: … WHAP! (fly-swatter of doom returns)

Skully: Nuuu… (flutters to the ground)

Liebling: L3 G45P!!! 51ULLY!!!!! (Trans: LE GASP!!! SKULLY!!!!!) (runs to her fallen summon monster)

Rayne: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!! NOW RUN LIKE YOU STOLE SOMETHING!!!!

Liebling: N0!!! 1 R3Fu53 70 G0 W17h 7h3 PPL WH0 HuR7 51ULLY!!!! (Trans: NO!!! I REFUSE TO GO WITH THE PPL WHO HURT SKULLY!!!!!)

Kyrie and Rayne: (look at each other, then push Myick out of cover and towards Haseo) PEACE OFFERING!!!!!

Myick: NUUUU!!!! I DUN WANNA BE RAPED!!!

Kyrie: … AGAIN!!!

Random Russian #1: Is that even possible?

Random Russian #2: What, his being raped or---?

Rayne: NO!!! NO GOD DAMMIT NOT AGAIN!!! (tackles random Russians 1 and 2) FATALITY YOU FUCKING BASTARDS!!! (tears their hearts out)

Liebling: Oh yeah, that just happened. :D Wait… WH3RE'D 7H4T 20MB13 G0?!?!!?!?! (Trans: WHERE'D THAT ZOMBIE GO?!?!?!?!?!)

Rayne: (eating Russian 1 and 2's hearts in the background)

Myick: … Dude… is that even… _safe_?

Rayne: (rapidly turns to look at Myick, a burning cannibalistic fire in his eyes) BLOOOOODDDDD!!!!!!! (claws at the ground and roars)

Skully: DIE!!! (tackles Rayne in the face)

Myick: HOLD 'IM DOWN!!! GET THE ANTIDOTE!!! GET THE FUCKING ANTIDOTE!!!!!

Rayne: (clawing at his face trying to get Skully off) OFF!! OOOFFFFF!!!

Kyrie: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!!!!!!

Rayne: (claw scars appear on his face) IT'S TOO SMALL AND WIRY!!!! I CAN'T GET IT OFF!!!!!

Random Russian-Asian: That's also what she said… and I'm a contradiction…

Rayne: GET OFF MY FACE YOU LITTLE BASTARD!!!!

Liebling: Also what she said…

Haseo: Are you guys done yet…? (points at Liebling) I know you from somewhere…

Myick: JC PENNY!!!! (gets nailed by Rayne) … oof…

Kyrie: (running with antidote, trips over chim-chim, and lands on top of Rayne) FUCKING CHIM-CHIMS!!!! (looks over to see it's a King Chim-Chim) HOW THE FUCK DO YOU TRIP OVER THAT?!

Random Russian-Asian: Is that even----

Liebling: DON'T FUCKING SAY IT!!!!!! (kicks him in the balls, then turns to look at Kyrie) Isn't that a form of bestiality?

Myick: … maaaaaybe…

Kyrie: (looks down at Rayne, who he's kinda sitting on, and sees the syringe sticking out of the Shadow Warlock's chest) Well, what do you know? Tripping comes in handy…

Random Reviewer: BACK TO THE STORY!!!!

Myick: (looking at the reviewer in awe) We have a story…? :D

Russian-Asian (who is lying on the floor in agony): No. It's just a figment of your imagination.

Myick: … I have an imagination?

Kyrie: … No.

Liebling: (looks at the reviewer) Who the hell are you…?

Random Reviewer: As the name implies, a random reviewer. Ergo.

Kyrie: … Get the fuck out of this story. NOW.

R.R.: Fine. God. (leaves)

Haseo: Anyway… J00!!! (points at Liebling) 1 11\10W WH3R3 1 11\10W J00 FR0M 1\140!!! (Trans: You!!! I KNOW WHERE I KNOW YOU FROM NOW!!!)

Myick: Spring Break. '98. (nods) Good year. :D

Skully: Ah, the memories.

Liebling: You talk?!

Skully: … Fi-yah!!!!

Haseo: L1373N 70 M3 D4MM17!!!!! (Trans: LISTEN TO ME DAMMIT!!!!!)

Rayne: (from somewhere in la-la land, suddenly sits up and points at the sky) NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION!!!!!! (falls back down and starts… gurgling... and starts sleep talking) No Mr. President… I don't wanna… massage your feet… Mommy, don't let the bad man take me… Nuuuu….

Myick: (looks around with frightened, childish eyes) Mommy, why won't you wake up??? … WHO INVENTED STAIRS ANYWAY?!?!?!?! STAIRS AND WHEELCHAIRS DON'T MIX!!!!!

Rayne: WHO PUT THAT WALL THERE?!?!?!!

Kyrie: SOMEONE STOP THE INSANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Skully: (attacks Myick) DIEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Haseo: God dammit… someone listen to me… (starts crying uncontrollably)

Rayne: (gets up, still sleeping, and goes over to Haseo and pats him on the back) Its okay Mr. President, don't cry…

Bus passes by, stops, and then leaves, revealing Hulk Jr., with a suitcase and a sunbonnet.

Hulk Jr.: PAPA!!!! (tears in his eyes) I'M HOME!!!! I GRADUATED FROM ITT TECH., WITH A MAJOR IN ARRANGING FLOWERS WITH PROSTATE CANCER IN SPACE!!!!!!

Voice echoes: Innnn spaaaaace…

Myick: (looks around) JESUS IS THAT YOU?!

Liebling: No… It's his sister that no one ever mentioned….

Kyrie: GOD!!! (shakes his head in disbelief)

God: Yes my child? (sends lightning bolt at Myick)

Myick: Ninja technique: Cloud of Heaven Dodge!!!!!

Rayne: (sits up again holding a giant confetti cannon and points it at Myick) SUPER BIG FUN SHOW HAPPY PARTY TIME OF DOOM!!!! (fires ceramic masks out of the confetti cannon)

Liebling: Ha! Top that!

Skully: Beep beep! Score to beat!

Kyrie: OKAY! "Mighty Guard!!!!"

Final Fantasy characters all glare at Kyrie.

Kyrie: (sheepishly scratches head) Ummm… never mind?

Rayne: "Knights of the Round!!!" (summons the 13 knights and blows up half of Antarctica)

Liebling: Huh, wrong place… Close enough! :D

Haseo: HA! BEAT THIS! "SUPER NOVA!!!!!!!!"

Everyone: LE GASP!!!! HE **IS** A GOD!!!!!!!

Sephiroth: ... (shanks Haseo) Take that you copy-right stealing bitch.

Haseo: B-but… I KNOW her! (points at Liebling) From the shower!!!!

SILENCE.

Myick: Ah snap…

Kyrie: LEAVE!!! GET OUT!!!! (singing along with Jojo's "Get Out (Leave!)")

Rayne: A WASTE OF TIME!!!! (all three duck under a rock)

Liebling: (turns to look at Haseo) What was that? I missed it. I know you didn't just say… that you KNOW me from the SHOWER.

Haseo: Um… yeah… I did…

Kyrie: Let the carnage begin. D:

To be continued…

Asura: Btw, code 7-6-3, as made up by Tyrann, is, supposedly, "Illegal Spamming of Network Connections", otherwise known as ISONC. Basically, the illegal usage of the log-out button. (You know how we've had everybody just logging out without a gate? Yeah, that's basically it.)

Glitch: Wow, that's… special.

Raith: Do they really have a code for that…?

Tyrann: Nope! Just something that popped up, randomly, in the back of my mind that I put to use.

Asura: … Meaning?

Tyrann: My voices told me to do it.

Raith: So, you're saying that you got my character in trouble… on a whim?

Tyrann: Suck it up soldier. :D

Asura: You did not just use your gay fanfic in reference to this. :D

Tyrann: Green-Eyed Monster all the way baby!!!!

(Btw, add this to the disclaimer: We do not own Gears of War… 1 or 2.)

Asura: Oh yeah, about the L337 speak… Um… if you're confused…

Glitch: Then join the club!!!

Raith: Yeah, somebody wanna explain that…?

Tyrann: Liebling and Haseo got bit by the L337 20MB13, so every time they get angry or when the zombie's around, they start speaking in L337. :D

Asura: And so, I went back and translated all the L33t in this chapter, just so everybody can read and enjoy the madness. XD

Glitch: What madness? It's just a story written by a bunch of teens who have nothing better to do in life that make cracks off of songs, games, and old movies.

Asura: … Anybody got an answer for that?

Tyrann: Mmm… nope. Not off the top of my head.

Raith: Hey… I resent that. I have a life… it's just spent with you losers.

Asura: … There is nothing wrong with being a loser. Losers are awesome, cause they're the ppl who do the cool things in life… like lighting a skateboard on fire and then sending it down a hill, laughing as ppl dodge it… not that I have done that… yet.


End file.
